I just started a new blogspot page where I will be posting things I've written that I've actually finished. First up? My comic, called "Normal." I only posted the first issue right now. I'll see if any of you read it (some of you already may have but it's been edited slightly) and then if people do enjoy it and no one rips my writing to shreds maybe I'll keep posting. Seeing as how only about five people read this blog (that I know of), and you are all my friends, there probably won't be much ripping to shreds, even if you don't like it. But I do appreciate constructive criticism on everything I write.
Anyway, the link is: http://completedworks.blogspot.com. I'll eventually post other things as well, but as the site is called "Completed Works", it won't be bursting at the seams, since my main problem with writing is actually finishing what I start and not getting distracted by a shiny object halfway through. Knowing people might be interested in what I write could help me, though, so like I said, feel free to comment as you see fit.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
crazy
I didn't realize it until this morning but, other than Michelle's birthday Saturday night, this was a wholly depressing weekend.
It started out with Gelo's mother's wake Friday night. I almost hate attending wakes with my friends because whenever we get together, no matter what the circumstances, we have a good time. Normally, this would be a wonderful thing but not at a wake and I feel awful standing outside the room laughing when someone is lying in a coffin mere feet away. Of course, we weren't really disruptive and I can't remember minding that at the wakes I have attended over the past two years or so. It helps sometimes to get the person's mind off of where they are and what they're doing. I can't even fathom how Gelo was feeling that night but I have to imagine that I'd want my friends to keep being my friends and acting like my friends, and not stand around staring at me morosely. Although, at the burial Saturday morning, when one of Gelo's sister's friends broke into "Wind Beneath my Wings" just before we stepped away from the coffin for the last time... well, I shed more than a few tears then. It's that moment that kills me the most (and the Bette Midler song didn't help)... the moment when it is the last time you are seeing that person. You're going home... and that's it. Your life continues, you're expected to move on and just live the way you did a week before. It's possibly one of the worst moments a person can experience in their life. You know, other than torture in a foreign country or something.
To build off of that happy paragraph, Sunday afternoon, my mother, father, Ricky and I drove out to visit Mema (my mom's mom) in a psychiatric hospital. She's always been depressed, my whole life she's had ups and downs, but since my grandfather passed away in October of 2006, her downs have been much lower than they ever were. She was very depressed right after it happened (as we all were... and I still am sometimes, at random moments of my life, like when Derek Jeter got the most hits in Yankee Stadium. Papa was a rabid Yankee fan.) but then, it seemed for a while like she would be all right. She got back out and started taking part in her community again. She even had a "companion" which is just what young people call old people's boy/girlfriends because it's gross to imagine people over sixty-five doing it... although I don't think they were doing it... ANYWAY, she was doing okay. Then, a while ago, the depression all came rushing back. She's been taking a bunch of different medications and sometimes, she wouldn't be eating. A woman from some agency was even going to the house to spend time with her a few hours a day, which helped a little, but in the end, she had to check herself into this hospital so her medication could be monitored. She's only supposed to be there for a week, which would end this Tuesday, but she doesn't look in any condition to leave from what I saw yesterday.
First of all, the smell of the place made me want to run. It's a normal hospital smell I guess. People who haven't showered, different types of medication... and since this was the geriatric ward, this was all coupled with the generic small of "old". You know what I'm talking about. And it was horrible because there are certain people who seriously belong there, like my grandmother's roommate, who is just propped up in the day room all day long in front of the TV (on which they can't change channels) and then changed out of her clothes at night and put to bed. Mema does not belong there. This is the woman who did a pole dance a few years ago at a party she and my grandfather attended. She is funny and smart and... ugh, it's so frustrating. I watched my other grandmother suffer with dementia until she was a shell of a human being... until I was actually HAPPY when she died, which still makes me feel like shit but I didn't want to look at her like that anymore. I wanted her to be free of that stupid body and actually be herself again wherever our souls go when we die. And I don't want Mema to go out like she did, laying in a hospital bed with someone changing her clothes for her. That's not who she is, and it wasn't who Nanny was either but I know that Mema can pull herself out of it.
I guess Depression is as much a disease as Dementia and I shouldn't assume that it will be easy for Mema to just turn around and be her old self again. My grandfather always used to tell Mema she better die first because she wouldn't be able to do anything without him. It wasn't as bad as it sounds, because clearly, it's true. I just wish there was something I could do to help her. Something besides sitting in the hallway of the hospital (because you can't go inside the rooms with visitors), waiting for my father to come back with the water he smuggled in from Wawa (because you can't bring any outside food or drink into the place).
And now I'm depressed. Happy Monday. Seriously, if no one else could get sick or die for, like, two good years, I'd really appreciate it.
It started out with Gelo's mother's wake Friday night. I almost hate attending wakes with my friends because whenever we get together, no matter what the circumstances, we have a good time. Normally, this would be a wonderful thing but not at a wake and I feel awful standing outside the room laughing when someone is lying in a coffin mere feet away. Of course, we weren't really disruptive and I can't remember minding that at the wakes I have attended over the past two years or so. It helps sometimes to get the person's mind off of where they are and what they're doing. I can't even fathom how Gelo was feeling that night but I have to imagine that I'd want my friends to keep being my friends and acting like my friends, and not stand around staring at me morosely. Although, at the burial Saturday morning, when one of Gelo's sister's friends broke into "Wind Beneath my Wings" just before we stepped away from the coffin for the last time... well, I shed more than a few tears then. It's that moment that kills me the most (and the Bette Midler song didn't help)... the moment when it is the last time you are seeing that person. You're going home... and that's it. Your life continues, you're expected to move on and just live the way you did a week before. It's possibly one of the worst moments a person can experience in their life. You know, other than torture in a foreign country or something.
To build off of that happy paragraph, Sunday afternoon, my mother, father, Ricky and I drove out to visit Mema (my mom's mom) in a psychiatric hospital. She's always been depressed, my whole life she's had ups and downs, but since my grandfather passed away in October of 2006, her downs have been much lower than they ever were. She was very depressed right after it happened (as we all were... and I still am sometimes, at random moments of my life, like when Derek Jeter got the most hits in Yankee Stadium. Papa was a rabid Yankee fan.) but then, it seemed for a while like she would be all right. She got back out and started taking part in her community again. She even had a "companion" which is just what young people call old people's boy/girlfriends because it's gross to imagine people over sixty-five doing it... although I don't think they were doing it... ANYWAY, she was doing okay. Then, a while ago, the depression all came rushing back. She's been taking a bunch of different medications and sometimes, she wouldn't be eating. A woman from some agency was even going to the house to spend time with her a few hours a day, which helped a little, but in the end, she had to check herself into this hospital so her medication could be monitored. She's only supposed to be there for a week, which would end this Tuesday, but she doesn't look in any condition to leave from what I saw yesterday.
First of all, the smell of the place made me want to run. It's a normal hospital smell I guess. People who haven't showered, different types of medication... and since this was the geriatric ward, this was all coupled with the generic small of "old". You know what I'm talking about. And it was horrible because there are certain people who seriously belong there, like my grandmother's roommate, who is just propped up in the day room all day long in front of the TV (on which they can't change channels) and then changed out of her clothes at night and put to bed. Mema does not belong there. This is the woman who did a pole dance a few years ago at a party she and my grandfather attended. She is funny and smart and... ugh, it's so frustrating. I watched my other grandmother suffer with dementia until she was a shell of a human being... until I was actually HAPPY when she died, which still makes me feel like shit but I didn't want to look at her like that anymore. I wanted her to be free of that stupid body and actually be herself again wherever our souls go when we die. And I don't want Mema to go out like she did, laying in a hospital bed with someone changing her clothes for her. That's not who she is, and it wasn't who Nanny was either but I know that Mema can pull herself out of it.
I guess Depression is as much a disease as Dementia and I shouldn't assume that it will be easy for Mema to just turn around and be her old self again. My grandfather always used to tell Mema she better die first because she wouldn't be able to do anything without him. It wasn't as bad as it sounds, because clearly, it's true. I just wish there was something I could do to help her. Something besides sitting in the hallway of the hospital (because you can't go inside the rooms with visitors), waiting for my father to come back with the water he smuggled in from Wawa (because you can't bring any outside food or drink into the place).
And now I'm depressed. Happy Monday. Seriously, if no one else could get sick or die for, like, two good years, I'd really appreciate it.
Monday, October 13, 2008
maybe it's just me
So fucking Allstate is still screwing me over with this car. Apparently, something was broken that the garage didn't initially report and they fixed it, but they can't give me the car back until someone from Allstate goes down there and confirms that they are going to pay for it. This has been almost three weeks without a car now. Thankfully, almost everyone in my family has their own car, so I have been able to get around. Although I haven't asked my father if I can borrow his brand new Pathfinder yet. The thing is the size of an H3 and I would be totally paranoid driving it. Not that my father would even let me.
Gelo's wedding was a lot of fun on Friday. I was slightly annoyed that not every woman was in a gown and no one I knew- except the guys in the wedding party- was wearing a tux. I guess people do what they want. But I couldn't really be mad because I was in love with my dress. The drive up and back was pretty uneventful, although it was only three hours long, so I don't what sort of wacky hijinks I expected to get into. BJ, Christie and I stopped at a rest stop on the way up and I picked up a Burger King crown... I guess that's wacky.
I got recognized as a member of Fenix Down on Saturday night by the lead singer of Underwhelmed, who then proceeded to imitate my dancing in the Ready to Believe... excuse me, I'm Ready (don't even know the name of my own song) video. I don't know if I would have been recognized if not for my close proximity to Joe, but it was pretty cool. Maybe my odd point/bounce dance will be the thing that rockets me to fame.
I also remembered why I never go to clubs, although I really like dancing. The rock portion of the club (Delancey's) was in the basement and smelled like stale beer but the line for the bar was practically non-existant and each person had at least a few feet to him or herself. Upstairs, in the "cool" portion of the bar? The people were packed in like cattle and the bathroom was all the way on the other side of the pasture. I don't think I've ever said "Excuse me" as many times consecutively as I did on that trip to the back of the bar. So maybe upstairs would have been a better place to meet people but I'd rather sit on the couch in the corner downstairs and talk about random movies with people I know. I don't even mind the smell of stale beer. It's very rock.
Gelo's wedding was a lot of fun on Friday. I was slightly annoyed that not every woman was in a gown and no one I knew- except the guys in the wedding party- was wearing a tux. I guess people do what they want. But I couldn't really be mad because I was in love with my dress. The drive up and back was pretty uneventful, although it was only three hours long, so I don't what sort of wacky hijinks I expected to get into. BJ, Christie and I stopped at a rest stop on the way up and I picked up a Burger King crown... I guess that's wacky.
I got recognized as a member of Fenix Down on Saturday night by the lead singer of Underwhelmed, who then proceeded to imitate my dancing in the Ready to Believe... excuse me, I'm Ready (don't even know the name of my own song) video. I don't know if I would have been recognized if not for my close proximity to Joe, but it was pretty cool. Maybe my odd point/bounce dance will be the thing that rockets me to fame.
I also remembered why I never go to clubs, although I really like dancing. The rock portion of the club (Delancey's) was in the basement and smelled like stale beer but the line for the bar was practically non-existant and each person had at least a few feet to him or herself. Upstairs, in the "cool" portion of the bar? The people were packed in like cattle and the bathroom was all the way on the other side of the pasture. I don't think I've ever said "Excuse me" as many times consecutively as I did on that trip to the back of the bar. So maybe upstairs would have been a better place to meet people but I'd rather sit on the couch in the corner downstairs and talk about random movies with people I know. I don't even mind the smell of stale beer. It's very rock.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
lucky star
So my friend Vanessa sent a bunch of us an email last week, saying that she knew someone who followed this particular astrologist religiously (is that an oxymoron?) and that she herself had found that some of the things on the website were true. So I clicked it and read the ridiculously long Gemini entry for October. The only thing I remembered from it was that October 4th and 5th was a good weekend for love and that I should be out. Then, I spent Friday watching TV on my parents' couch and Saturday watching TV on my couch. I don't know if this means I am not ready for love, I don't care about finding love, or I just don't believe in astrology. Either way, it was a pretty uneventful weekend.
The thing is, I don't really have anyone to go out to bars with anymore. Everyone is coupled and I mean everyone (every girl). As I have often complained, it has been nearly impossible for my two roomates and I to have boyfriends all at the same time. And I am not even exaggerating, it literally happened like this:
We move in to the apartment. I have a bf, Nancy has a bf, Liza does not.
Liza meets Peter, Nancy breaks up with her bf, I still have a bf.
I break up with Tony, Liza still dating Peter, Nancy gets a new bf (sort of... technically)
So, somewhere in the deep blackness of my soul, I am hoping that one of their relationships breaks down so I can meet someone else. (Not really... I think)
I am going to a black tie wedding this weekend in a dress that is awesome and, if I do say so myself, makes me look pretty hot. However, as much as I have heard that weddings are good places to meet people, I find this not to be true. I usually find that people tend to stay at their own tables and talk to people they know. Unless all the matchmaking is just happening around me. Maybe I'm the eye of the coupling storm... ah, whatever.
The thing is, I don't really have anyone to go out to bars with anymore. Everyone is coupled and I mean everyone (every girl). As I have often complained, it has been nearly impossible for my two roomates and I to have boyfriends all at the same time. And I am not even exaggerating, it literally happened like this:
We move in to the apartment. I have a bf, Nancy has a bf, Liza does not.
Liza meets Peter, Nancy breaks up with her bf, I still have a bf.
I break up with Tony, Liza still dating Peter, Nancy gets a new bf (sort of... technically)
So, somewhere in the deep blackness of my soul, I am hoping that one of their relationships breaks down so I can meet someone else. (Not really... I think)
I am going to a black tie wedding this weekend in a dress that is awesome and, if I do say so myself, makes me look pretty hot. However, as much as I have heard that weddings are good places to meet people, I find this not to be true. I usually find that people tend to stay at their own tables and talk to people they know. Unless all the matchmaking is just happening around me. Maybe I'm the eye of the coupling storm... ah, whatever.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
good and evil
I'm getting pretty obsessed with "Heroes" again. Three episodes in and I think it is sincerely making up for last season, which I did enjoy but kind of fell apart all in a rush at the end. This season, as I have mentioned to a few friends already, has featured Zachary Quinto in a suit and I have decided that is all I need to classify a show as "worth watching." Isn't it strange? A man would prefer to see a woman wearing less clothes, yet men can look incredibly sexy all covered up. I mean, I wouldn't sneeze at a guy without his shirt on but I have a feeling that is probably saved for Milo Ventimiglia on this show (and whoever plays Mohinder, (it's Sendhil Ramamurthy, why was I pretending I didn't know that?) but when your skin start peeling off, it kind of loses that sexy factor.)
Anyway, in summation, there are a lot of hot men on TV right now. Suffice it to say, this does not help my current situation as they are very far away and mostly, not real people. Unless Elliot Stabler is really kickin' ass and takin' (rapists) names mere blocks from my office. More on this as it develops...
Also, a few questions for you to ponder:
If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone, is it wrong?
Why can't three roommates have boyfriends at the same time?
Why, God? What's your plan? I can't help her, no one can... okay, that's a lyric from 'Miss Saigon'. Sorry.
Anyway, in summation, there are a lot of hot men on TV right now. Suffice it to say, this does not help my current situation as they are very far away and mostly, not real people. Unless Elliot Stabler is really kickin' ass and takin' (rapists) names mere blocks from my office. More on this as it develops...
Also, a few questions for you to ponder:
If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone, is it wrong?
Why can't three roommates have boyfriends at the same time?
Why, God? What's your plan? I can't help her, no one can... okay, that's a lyric from 'Miss Saigon'. Sorry.
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