just a little bit

I can't believe that I haven't posted on here since June. It's goddamn October already. I was just sitting on my couch for the last hour or so, reading all my old blog posts, starting with Livejournal and feeding into Blogger. I don't know if my life was more interesting a few years ago, or I just posted a lot of crap (probably the latter), but I used to post something everyday. It probably also helped that, for most of that time, I had a job where I sat in front of a computer for eight hours a day and didn't have to feed or burp anyone.

Dan and I are sitting in our living room, each of us on his/her own laptop. We do this a lot and I think it's sad sometimes. But not sad enough to stop me from typing this blog entry...

The Cougarhawks were mercied this morning. I know I have a big mouth in the outfield and yell things like, "Pick up the ball!" and "Come on, guys!!", meanwhile, I let easy balls past me all the way to the fence. In my head, I swear, I am the best softball player there is. Knowing the rules and having the talent are not the same thing but I really wish they were. I would be the first 4'10" woman to crack a homerun over the fence.

My bridal shower was yesterday. I was 75% surprised. I got a lot of great stuff, but best of all were the two holiday baskets my aunt Ellen made me, containing decorations for most major holidays. I was almost crying looking at them yesterday. I love having a decorated house but I just don't have much stuff. I "decorated" for Halloween on Friday by putting out a Halloween dish towel and bathroom towel, a picture frame with a picture of me and Michelle that I made at a scrapbooking party, a small sign, three rubber ducks dressed in costumes and a Winnie-the-Pooh door decoration. I know that sounds like a lot but... no, wait, no, it doesn't. So you can understand my elation at receiving a bit more to pretty up the house. (Such a woman.) I want to have some people over one night in October. I just hate decorating only for us. I like to share it with everyone.

Okay, I'm done now, but I swear I'll be back soon.

hungry like the wolf...

I'm starting a new diet. But not really, since I always ALWAYS fail at diets. Mostly because it is impossible for me to completely give up the things I like to eat. I love food too much. Members of my family and old coworkers have all tried two separate diets where the primarily consumed item is a shake. A shake? Really? And that's all I get to eat? I mean, my coworkers actually had "milk days" when they weren't allowed to eat ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL FOR 24 HOURS? So, really, I can't have this donut? Because I really want the donut. You know what? I'm having the donut. And thus, my failure of the fad diets.

I think I might be able to succeed at Nutri System or something else where you are encouraged to lose weight by having food delivered right to your door. No, don't get up. Here's the food. You're welcome. But anyway, I think I might be able to do that because I could pick and choose foods I like. My main problem with dieting is that, as soon as I see a chance to eat food I like, I have to eat it. I can't pass up a cheeseburger for a salad. With Nutri System, they probably have some low cal version of a cheeseburger and I most likely wouldn't know the difference. But, alas, I can't afford anything like that. Also, I have tried Weight Watchers but I usually go through the points in two meals since nothing I like is considered low enough.

So my "diet" is finding the most healthy of the things I will eat and trying to incorporate that into my diet as much as possible. Oatmeal? Sure, I'm eating it now. It's not the best but I can make it through. It's better than my normal breakfast of two waffles slathered in butter and syrup. So, if I can make a meal a bit healthier most of the time, I won't feel bad about the occasional cheeseburger and/or donut. I need those and trying to cut them out completely is the biggest mistake I can make.

I'm also working out but I know that if I don't cut back on the crap, I'll just have kick ass muscles under a layer of fat. And as hot as that sounds...

time after time...

Home watching "The Wonder Pets" right now. Some people think that it is too early to watch cartoons for Abby's benefit. I disagree, I think the sooner the better. I have big plans to raise a genius child and live off her money in my old age. You heard it here first. If I have to suffer through some "Wonder Pets" now to live in luxury later... actually, what am I saying? I like "Wonder Pets." It's kind of a cartoon opera. Seriously, watch it some day. It's almost all performed in song.

For those who might not know, I will not be returning to work. It's weird to not have somewhere specific to go every morning. Weird but good. Boring sometimes, but every day is different for me, now that I can use Dan's car and have freedom to leave the house. I don't have to sit on the couch staring at her for eight hours a day. Not that I don't love staring at her, but she's only just begun to be entertaining. Also, once I started thinking of taking care of her as a job, it got to be a lot easier. I am better when I have a bit of structure. The whole thing is insanely ovewhelming in the beginning. "So I just have to keep filling up bottles, feeding them to her, cleaning them and then refilling them for the forseeable future?" It's like a job that's never done. That is until she gets old enough to feed herself and I wonder where the time went.

I watched Betty White on "SNL" today. That was the funniest episode of that show I have seen in a really long time. Partly due to Betty but also probably because they invited back all of the funny women who were on the show for the last fifteen years. Another classic Delicious Dish sketch, featuring Betty's Dusty Muffin. It was like the whole episode revolved around how dirty an 88 year old woman could be... and I loved it. We know my mind is always in the gutter.

these are the days you remember...

Okay, I could have sworn I posted something up here after the baby was born. Maybe I just started something and then gave up on it. Anyway, yesterday was the six week anniversary (not really, since that implies something yearly but I don't know what else to say) of Abby's birth. She'll be two months old on March 19th. It feels like I both can't believe she's that old and also, that I can't believe she's that young. How could I have had a baby in my life for six weeks and also, how can she have only been a part of my life for six weeks? My grandmother had a baby brother who died at 3 or 5 months old, I can't really remember, and for some reason, I used to think it wasn't so bad, since the kid was very young, that somehow, the family wasn't all that attached to him yet. Not that it was a good thing, but better he died then than when he was much older. Now, I understand how my cousin, Jackie, was way more horrified by that story than I was. Everyone always says it, but you just cannot understand the amount of love you can feel for something until you hold it in your arms. I mean, I love Dan, a lot, but this is something totally different. I really hope that all of you get to experience it in your lives.

She's really been such a good baby. The other night, she slept for nine hours overnight, which is kind of ridiculous for such a young baby, but she definitely makes up for it with feedings during the day. Whenever we try to burp her while feeding, she starts freaking out. She doesn't want to go 5 minutes without eating. It's actually pretty funny, we need to get it on video before she gets too old and stops doing it.

Being home has been kind of boring. Daytime television is really the worst. I watch "Regis and Kelly" and "The Price is Right" semi-religiously. The rest is whatever I can find. Right now, I'm watching Man on Fire, which I always wanted to see and I can't believe it came out six years ago. What have I been doing for the past six years?

here it comes again...

I am currently on bed rest. Technically, I guess this means I should be lying in bed all day, but I don't think I could ever do that, unless there was some horrific pain to go along with the reason for the bed rest and, this time, there isn't. I am slightly uncomfortable, sometimes much more than others, and my ankles and feet often swell to the point of hilarity, but I am still able to move around... even though I might need a helping hand to help me sit up once in a while. It is not fun to have what amounts to basically a 25 lb. weight in my torso. I'm afraid that for the split second after the baby is removed from me, all I will be happy about is not being pregnant anymore. I think that's fair, if only for a second. After all, I will only have one more second or so in which to think about myself. Once they put that baby in my arms, it's pretty much all about her for the rest of my life.

I am getting some stuff done around the house, things that would still go undone if I was working. Every so often- every time I've moved, in fact- I go through my "memory box", which is not a box as much as a broken file accordion from Staples that was so stuffed it no longer closes. Each time I go through it, I throw away more stuff that I previously thought I would need forever. This morning, I got rid of some cards, letters, old scripts to things, some pictures... however, I cannot get myself to throw out my 8th grade autograph book and I still can't figure out why. Maybe on the next go round.

My baby shower was this past weekend and the amount of gifts I received cannot be converted to the written word. There are so many clothes that I could throw out every outfit she wears for the first 6 months of her life after she's worn it once. I will most likely be returning a lot of them (as some of them are doubles... or, in the case of one set, one of FIVE) and using the credit to Babies R US for formula and diapers, which I hear tell I will need a lot of. Put that with the other gift cards and cash we received and I'm expecting to not have to lay out money for this kid for a while. But I'm sure it won't last half as long as I think. I literally have no idea how much diapers and formula cost.

Well, it won't be long now...