time after time...

Home watching "The Wonder Pets" right now. Some people think that it is too early to watch cartoons for Abby's benefit. I disagree, I think the sooner the better. I have big plans to raise a genius child and live off her money in my old age. You heard it here first. If I have to suffer through some "Wonder Pets" now to live in luxury later... actually, what am I saying? I like "Wonder Pets." It's kind of a cartoon opera. Seriously, watch it some day. It's almost all performed in song.

For those who might not know, I will not be returning to work. It's weird to not have somewhere specific to go every morning. Weird but good. Boring sometimes, but every day is different for me, now that I can use Dan's car and have freedom to leave the house. I don't have to sit on the couch staring at her for eight hours a day. Not that I don't love staring at her, but she's only just begun to be entertaining. Also, once I started thinking of taking care of her as a job, it got to be a lot easier. I am better when I have a bit of structure. The whole thing is insanely ovewhelming in the beginning. "So I just have to keep filling up bottles, feeding them to her, cleaning them and then refilling them for the forseeable future?" It's like a job that's never done. That is until she gets old enough to feed herself and I wonder where the time went.

I watched Betty White on "SNL" today. That was the funniest episode of that show I have seen in a really long time. Partly due to Betty but also probably because they invited back all of the funny women who were on the show for the last fifteen years. Another classic Delicious Dish sketch, featuring Betty's Dusty Muffin. It was like the whole episode revolved around how dirty an 88 year old woman could be... and I loved it. We know my mind is always in the gutter.

these are the days you remember...

Okay, I could have sworn I posted something up here after the baby was born. Maybe I just started something and then gave up on it. Anyway, yesterday was the six week anniversary (not really, since that implies something yearly but I don't know what else to say) of Abby's birth. She'll be two months old on March 19th. It feels like I both can't believe she's that old and also, that I can't believe she's that young. How could I have had a baby in my life for six weeks and also, how can she have only been a part of my life for six weeks? My grandmother had a baby brother who died at 3 or 5 months old, I can't really remember, and for some reason, I used to think it wasn't so bad, since the kid was very young, that somehow, the family wasn't all that attached to him yet. Not that it was a good thing, but better he died then than when he was much older. Now, I understand how my cousin, Jackie, was way more horrified by that story than I was. Everyone always says it, but you just cannot understand the amount of love you can feel for something until you hold it in your arms. I mean, I love Dan, a lot, but this is something totally different. I really hope that all of you get to experience it in your lives.

She's really been such a good baby. The other night, she slept for nine hours overnight, which is kind of ridiculous for such a young baby, but she definitely makes up for it with feedings during the day. Whenever we try to burp her while feeding, she starts freaking out. She doesn't want to go 5 minutes without eating. It's actually pretty funny, we need to get it on video before she gets too old and stops doing it.

Being home has been kind of boring. Daytime television is really the worst. I watch "Regis and Kelly" and "The Price is Right" semi-religiously. The rest is whatever I can find. Right now, I'm watching Man on Fire, which I always wanted to see and I can't believe it came out six years ago. What have I been doing for the past six years?

here it comes again...

I am currently on bed rest. Technically, I guess this means I should be lying in bed all day, but I don't think I could ever do that, unless there was some horrific pain to go along with the reason for the bed rest and, this time, there isn't. I am slightly uncomfortable, sometimes much more than others, and my ankles and feet often swell to the point of hilarity, but I am still able to move around... even though I might need a helping hand to help me sit up once in a while. It is not fun to have what amounts to basically a 25 lb. weight in my torso. I'm afraid that for the split second after the baby is removed from me, all I will be happy about is not being pregnant anymore. I think that's fair, if only for a second. After all, I will only have one more second or so in which to think about myself. Once they put that baby in my arms, it's pretty much all about her for the rest of my life.

I am getting some stuff done around the house, things that would still go undone if I was working. Every so often- every time I've moved, in fact- I go through my "memory box", which is not a box as much as a broken file accordion from Staples that was so stuffed it no longer closes. Each time I go through it, I throw away more stuff that I previously thought I would need forever. This morning, I got rid of some cards, letters, old scripts to things, some pictures... however, I cannot get myself to throw out my 8th grade autograph book and I still can't figure out why. Maybe on the next go round.

My baby shower was this past weekend and the amount of gifts I received cannot be converted to the written word. There are so many clothes that I could throw out every outfit she wears for the first 6 months of her life after she's worn it once. I will most likely be returning a lot of them (as some of them are doubles... or, in the case of one set, one of FIVE) and using the credit to Babies R US for formula and diapers, which I hear tell I will need a lot of. Put that with the other gift cards and cash we received and I'm expecting to not have to lay out money for this kid for a while. But I'm sure it won't last half as long as I think. I literally have no idea how much diapers and formula cost.

Well, it won't be long now...

we'll take a cup of kindness yet...

I just read last year's New Year's post... wow. I don't think a life could possibly be more different in the span of a year as mine has become. It just goes to show that you never know what can happen to you. I don't have much more to say than that. I'm looking forward to a great weekend with friends and an amazing year, filled with miracles. Love you all! Happy new year!

i'll tell you one and one makes three...

Stuck smack dab in the middle of Christmas and New Year's. I guess it's a better place to be than the week after New Year's. Although, I start training my replacement on January 5th, so work as I know it is pretty much through this week, which is sort of weird. I've been trying to get everything all straightened up with my files the past few days, since the new girl will have access to all my stuff once I leave and I'd like it to make sense to her. I really just hope that I don't go into labor too early, before I've gotten a chance to adequately train her. There's just so much that happens in this job that doesn't happen every day, so three weeks of training might seem like a lot when it really isn't.

Also, my throat hurts and I can't take any medicine to make it feel better. More on this as it develops. Or ceases to develop, which is what I'm hoping for.

I am having a baby in, like, a month... does everyone realize this?

merry christmas, darling...

My cousin, Brian, and his wife, Andrea, had their baby Wednesday. My coworker, Debbie, also had her baby last Thursday. So the two people I have been riding this pregnancy train with now have healthy new babies. This makes me feel good, since their pregnancies both turned out all right. It also makes me jealous, because I want my baby now and I want to not be pregnant for the holidays. Although if, for some reason, she was born now, she would have nowhere to sleep, since the room is still not ready for her and the living room is full of Christmas presents. So it's probably best she chills out a little longer.

My iPhone had a panic attack or something on the bus this morning, while trying to load a pic on Facebook, and now I can't turn it on again. I probably have to stop by the Apple store at some point tonight or tomorrow, because I can't stand being without a phone. I'm afraid the solution is going to be restoring it and it's hooked up to my parents' computer, so I think I have to do it there. I won't be going there until Christmas Eve... grrr.

I am really excited about the holidays this year, especially since I am actually finished with shopping before the week of Christmas. I think Dan and I did really well and we have a TON of presents. Plus, we are having a holiday party on the 26th, then going to a party for New Year's Eve, another one for New Year's Day and then... well, my baby shower is somewhere in there (I'll pretend not to know for the pictures) and then... baby. So we have a lot of exciting things coming up, culminating in probably one of the best things that can happen to two people. Needless to say, I think 2010 might be almost as good as 2009. Time will tell.

dream a little dream of me

I have been having very vivid dreams every night since becoming pregnant. Last night, I dreamed that Fenix Down (along with some other friends) were given the opportunity to go on a spaceship for an undetermined amount of time. I was concerned about going because, a) I didn't know if there would be a doctor onboard to deliver my baby and b) I wouldn't be able to have contact with my parents, nor would they be there when my baby was born. I was having a very rough time making the decision and, in the dream, I was talking to my parents about it in my grandfather's kitchen, at which point, my father told me he had to go back to El Caribe and take back the deposit he had put down for my wedding date because my family had no money. I can't figure out what this had to do with space, but I think everything that happens in my dreams is just making me more and more anxious. I wake up and have to talk about it with Dan right away, just to get it off my mind, no matter how stupid it is. Because I will lay in bed, fully awake, and still be nervous about making this space decision. I'm sure it's because I am anxious about other things (like the living creature that is currently residing in my uterus) but I really wish my mind would let me be nervous about the things it makes sense to be nervous about, and not the possibility of space travel.

Ten weeks to go, people. (That's two and half months, Nan.) This thing is actually happening.