dream a little dream of me

I have been having very vivid dreams every night since becoming pregnant. Last night, I dreamed that Fenix Down (along with some other friends) were given the opportunity to go on a spaceship for an undetermined amount of time. I was concerned about going because, a) I didn't know if there would be a doctor onboard to deliver my baby and b) I wouldn't be able to have contact with my parents, nor would they be there when my baby was born. I was having a very rough time making the decision and, in the dream, I was talking to my parents about it in my grandfather's kitchen, at which point, my father told me he had to go back to El Caribe and take back the deposit he had put down for my wedding date because my family had no money. I can't figure out what this had to do with space, but I think everything that happens in my dreams is just making me more and more anxious. I wake up and have to talk about it with Dan right away, just to get it off my mind, no matter how stupid it is. Because I will lay in bed, fully awake, and still be nervous about making this space decision. I'm sure it's because I am anxious about other things (like the living creature that is currently residing in my uterus) but I really wish my mind would let me be nervous about the things it makes sense to be nervous about, and not the possibility of space travel.

Ten weeks to go, people. (That's two and half months, Nan.) This thing is actually happening.

we all just wanna be big rock stars...

Heading to Philly tonight for the Game X Expo tomorrow. Hopefully, just as we're arriving there, the Yankees will have secured the second World Series slot. Maybe I'll bring my Yankees hat, just to make everyone there hate me... but probably not. It's not like it's Boston.

After Friday, I won't be performing with the band, or even practicing, until after the baby is born. I'm kind of excited about the break. Having practice so often lately has been very tiring. But I have a feeling I am going to be really jealous of the girl they are getting to fill in for me. She's seventeen, and I'm sure very pretty and young and not pregnant and very excited about singing in a band. Whereas, I am almost thirty, knocked up and totally not appreciative of all the opportunities I have to sing. sigh... I guess I had my time. And I'm not really old. In fact, I didn't start feeling old until about 6 months ago, but it's hard to feel like a teenager when there's a baby growing inside you.

This is going to be good. I am going to have all my weeknights free to do other things and (mostly) relax and, once Abby's a few months old, I'll be back in the saddle. This is probably going to give me a new passion for the band, since I'll miss it so much. I hope.

help

What's the correct response to "You look pregnant today."?

baby love

It's been about a month and a half since my last posting. I am now very obviously pregnant. My belly looks fake to me, like something you strap onto your waist when you're playing a pregnant woman on TV. What isn't fake, however, (not that the belly is) is the movement inside it. Some days can go by quietly with just a flutter and others have this kid doing jumping jacks in my uterus. I don't know what could possibly get so exciting in there, but I guess when 14 hours of your day is sleeping and the rest is floating around staring at my uterine wall, you have to liven things up a bit. She actually scares me sometimes when I'm not expecting it and I feel, and sometimes see, a swift kick to the inside of me. It doesn't really feel like a kick, and it doesn't hurt... at least not yet. It just feels like the world's worst gas bubble. In the beginning, it was actually hard to differentiate the two. Now, it's pretty easy.

Also, she tends to like chilling on the right side of my stomach, which is why my belly button is now totally off-center, which freaks me out every time I look at it. I think the right side is where she sleeps or something. You can very clearly feel the difference between where she is and where it's only fat underneath. I'm sure that will only become more prominent over the next three and a half months.

That's all I have left. Three and a half months until Dan and I become parents for the rest of our lives. Although honestly, I feel like a parent already. We talk about Abby as if she is already here. It's going to be very odd to have to look into a face when we refer to her and not at my stretched out stomach, complete with popping belly button.

I really liked my deep belly button. I hope I get that back.

said, hey pretty baby will you marry me?

Disney World was amazing. On one hand, I couldn't go on all the rides I wanted to in Disney and Universal. On the other hand, two other things happened that kind of trumped all that and made this a pretty good contender for Best Vacation I Will Ever Have. (I'll wait until after my honeymoon to make that final call.)

Dan and I are officially engaged. Like, ring on my finger engaged. It's pretty incredible and he totally surprised me with it. I mean, we'd had plans to get married, so I wasn't sure whether or not I'd even be getting a ring, but he planned it very romantically and got down on one knee next to the Wishing Well at the foot of Cinderella's castle. (I swear there used to be a tunnel of love underneath the castle but Google is revealing nothing, so I guess I'm just crazy.) There are pictures and even a video, so it's definitely a moment I'll never forget, not that I ever would.

Now we just have to figure out when we want to get married. I was thinking maybe Fall 2010 but, although it is over a year away, I feel like we are going to be very occupied with the new addition and a wedding takes way more planning than I feel like I am ready to commit to right now. So we could do Spring 2011. I don't know when it'll be easier to do things though: when I'm pregnant or when I have an infant? At least someone else can watch the infant for us... hmm, this requires further thought.

Anyway, yay! I'm engaged to Dan!


PS - I forgot to mention the second good thing that happened. I came in second in the finals for the American Idol Experience. More on that in a later post.

fly me to the moon...

We're leaving for Disney World Saturday morning. I am more than a little excited. Now that all the moving is done (not the unpacking, but whatever), I have been more able to focus on the trip. And also, on the germs that will be parading around the airport and the plane (and probably the theme park but I think the excess happiness of the place cancels them out). I have been seriously considering wearing one of those surgical masks on the plane. I mean, I understand I will probably look like a paranoid crazy person but I am so afraid of getting swine flu that I might not care about looking like a loon for two and a half hours in front of five of my friends and some other people I will most likely never see again.

Also, my sinuses have been so bad that I am expecting them to just explode out of my head at a certain altitude.

I am really excited but I very much just want to be in Florida. I hate flying.

having my baby...

I am having a baby.

Phew... it feels good to finally get that out on here. I've been refraining from actually releasing the words to the Internet, since there were still some people I was waiting to tell in person. But now, it looks like the cat is out of the bag, so I am clear to discuss my own personal life on my own personal blog. Freeing.

As I mentioned vaguely in the previous post, I would never in a million years have expected my life to go in the direction that it has. That's not to say I'm not happy about it. I mean, everyone wants to find someone they love, get married and have a baby. So, eventually, all that stuff is going to be done and in years to come, no one will remember or care about the order in which it occurred.

I'm very happy with the decisions I've made, especially in light of information I have recently received from some people about some people. Suffice it to say, my life is still running smoothly, and although I understand it will be forever changed on or around Feb. 2, I don't expect it will change who I am as a person. At least, I don't plan on letting it.

Now everyone else (married people)... start catching up.