having my baby...

I am having a baby.

Phew... it feels good to finally get that out on here. I've been refraining from actually releasing the words to the Internet, since there were still some people I was waiting to tell in person. But now, it looks like the cat is out of the bag, so I am clear to discuss my own personal life on my own personal blog. Freeing.

As I mentioned vaguely in the previous post, I would never in a million years have expected my life to go in the direction that it has. That's not to say I'm not happy about it. I mean, everyone wants to find someone they love, get married and have a baby. So, eventually, all that stuff is going to be done and in years to come, no one will remember or care about the order in which it occurred.

I'm very happy with the decisions I've made, especially in light of information I have recently received from some people about some people. Suffice it to say, my life is still running smoothly, and although I understand it will be forever changed on or around Feb. 2, I don't expect it will change who I am as a person. At least, I don't plan on letting it.

Now everyone else (married people)... start catching up.

i will buy you a new life

Okay, so since my last blog post, my life has pretty much changed as much as it's possible for a person's life to change... okay, maybe not that much but I'd say that 80% of the big things that were true about me back in April are not true anymore. If you'd told me a mere 3 months ago where I would be right now, I probably would have had you locked away in a mental institution. Because seriously... Dan and I are just friends.

Well, I'm not going to get into everything on here, since there are still some people who may be reading who aren't caught up on all facets of my life changes as of yet, but I will say that I think I am monumentally more prepared for it than I ever would have thought I could be. Sometimes, when I think about it all, I get very scared and emotional and even angry (although not very much anymore), but then I remember that I have pretty much the best support system anyone could have and it could be so much worse and... honestly, not much better, if you think about it. Sure, things are happening slightly out of order but I think the bigger picture is that they're happening and that's what counts. So... it's all good. It's all going to be fine. Deep breaths.

what's in your head...

I sometimes marvel at the way I am able to sing on stage while half-asleep. There comes a certain point of the night when even the second wind has faded away and my brain pretty much decides it is no longer going to cooperate with me unless I lay down and get some rest. My body must have some secret storage space somewhere where lyrics to songs are filed away, so when my brain gives up for the night, my mouth is still able to produce the information needed to get through the set. The fact that I can do this is why it bothers me so much when I forget the words to anything. I have a ridiculous memory that stretches over years and I hate when I just randomly lose the words to "Misery Business" and stand there staring blankly at everyone in horror. The same thing happened to me on stage during 'Godspell', when I had to manuever my way through the end of my monologue and pray to God that Sue would come in with the song without hearing my exact cueline.

I miss Stagers.

I am very excited about this upcoming weekend. I have a great birthday celebration to attend Saturday night and then we head to the bright lights of Bloomsburg Sunday morning. I anticipate having to go to 8am Mass, after getting home around 3am or so. So I hope Bara and Dan have a lot to talk about for those three hours. I don't think I'll be contributing very much.

I have attended Mass without fail since Easter Sunday. At the power hour at Lou's, I swore that I would not miss it for any reason that I could control and I am very proud of myself for sticking by my, albeit drunken, word. This means, however, that I have to go to Mass this Thursday night, since Ascension Thursday is a Holy Day of Obligation. I wonder how many people actually go to Mass on those days. Although, my mother will probably be singing. I'm sure I can just sit near her.

I'm sorry that this blog sometimes becomes stream of consciousness.

money, that's what i want

Wow, I just had a mini-money panic attack. I went to order the Disney plane tickets and realized I do not have enough money on either of my credit cards right now to cover the cost. I get paid Friday, so it shouldn't be an issue then, but sometimes, when I actually come face to face with how much money I owe, it knocks me for a loop. I really can't fathom how I will ever pay it all off. I wish I could go back in time to the moment I signed up for my second credit card and punch myself in the face. Better yet, I'd have Chuck Norris punch me in the face. Why did I think I could transfer half of it to the second card and then cease to use the first one? What ever made me think I'd have the willpower to pull that off?

Ugh... I know everyone owes money but some people just make so much more and then talk about it and they're really nice and not trying to make me feel badly AT ALL but I seriously take a look at my salary and I am just barely living. Then, I think about other people who are actually just barely living, and I thank God that I still have a job and I can pay my bills.

Okay... it's not that bad... I just had to get that out.

if you could read my mind...

I just heard a commercial on the radio for some psychic that ended with, "Remember, if your reading is not the best you've ever had, it's free!" I think that's a poor choice of words. Maybe, "if your reading is not the most accurate you've ever had." Because if the psychic told me that my entire family was going to die in a fiery car crash, it might be spot on, but I don't know that I'd call it the best.

drink up me hearties, yo ho!

The one remaining Somali pirate is being brought into court today. The news had video of him being escorted by police and made a big deal of how he had a huge smile on his face. What did they expect? He's a fucking pirate! Can you imagine a pirate walking to his doom with his head down? No, he has to look like a cocky badass right til the end. That smile actually made me respect him a little bit more. Especially since he didn't tamper with the Chinese sneakers.

it's my life

My grandmother is back in an assisted living facility/hospital sort of place. Not the one I visited and described some entries back, that made me want to kill myself. My mother says this place is actually nice. So I'm hoping she'll get better enough to leave and live on her own again eventually. I don't like to think she'll be spending the rest of her life in a place like that, although I guess it could certainly be worse. At least she'd be with people 24/7 who could take care of her and all. It's so depressing. I don't plan on getting old. I'm just going to eventually be older but never change the way I look or act or feel. Hope that's all right with everyone.

95.5 is SUCH a better station to listen to at work all day than 92.3 NOW. Seriously, I could not go another day hearing "Poker Face" seventeen times. That station was making me loathe songs I actually liked.

I got cookies from one of my bosses this morning for Adminsitrative Professionals Week. I really enjoy the fact that this "holiday" went from Secretaries Day to what it is now. I don't think very many other jobs have an entire week of celebration. I guess someone somewhere realized that if all the Administrative workers went on strike one day, the world would shut down. When some people get to a certain level of management, they shut down portions of their brain, never to be used again. You'd just have 10 million CEOs staring blankly at a copy machine for hours on end.