Unwritten

we remember, we celebrate, we believe...

2011-09-12T08:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it's almost been six months and I am back. At least for today.

Yesterday was the tenth anniversary of Sept. 11th. Can't believe it's been ten years already. What a horrible day. I find myself not being able to actually focus on the way those people all died. My mind can't comprehend the horror they must have felt. I just thank God (and should every day) that, though both my parents were down there, they both made it out unscathed. I wonder if there were any children who lost both parents. I suppose it's possible, although I feel like we would have heard about it. Maybe it was lost amongst all the other tragic stories from that day. I sincerely hope that Abby never has to have that kind of day in her life. Having a kid now makes me feel even worse about it. I sat in front of my television yesterday crying as the names were read. Seeing the names and faces (and on some channels, the ages) of all the victims makes it so much more real than any numbers could.

2011-03-14T11:17:00.001-07:00

I don't know why I always lie on here. I always say I'll be back, then I disappear for months at a time. I am finished making promises. From now on, I'll write when I'm inspired (which I wish was more often, but what can you do?).

just a little bit

2010-10-03T18:51:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that I haven't posted on here since June. It's goddamn October already. I was just sitting on my couch for the last hour or so, reading all my old blog posts, starting with Livejournal and feeding into Blogger. I don't know if my life was more interesting a few years ago, or I just posted a lot of crap (probably the latter), but I used to post something everyday. It probably also helped that, for most of that time, I had a job where I sat in front of a computer for eight hours a day and didn't have to feed or burp anyone.

Dan and I are sitting in our living room, each of us on his/her own laptop. We do this a lot and I think it's sad sometimes. But not sad enough to stop me from typing this blog entry...

The Cougarhawks were mercied this morning. I know I have a big mouth in the outfield and yell things like, "Pick up the ball!" and "Come on, guys!!", meanwhile, I let easy balls past me all the way to the fence. In my head, I swear, I am the best softball player there is. Knowing the rules and having the talent are not the same thing but I really wish they were. I would be the first 4'10" woman to crack a homerun over the fence.

My bridal shower was yesterday. I was 75% surprised. I got a lot of great stuff, but best of all were the two holiday baskets my aunt Ellen made me, containing decorations for most major holidays. I was almost crying looking at them yesterday. I love having a decorated house but I just don't have much stuff. I "decorated" for Halloween on Friday by putting out a Halloween dish towel and bathroom towel, a picture frame with a picture of me and Michelle that I made at a scrapbooking party, a small sign, three rubber ducks dressed in costumes and a Winnie-the-Pooh door decoration. I know that sounds like a lot but... no, wait, no, it doesn't. So you can understand my elation at receiving a bit more to pretty up the house. (Such a woman.) I want to have some people over one night in October. I just hate decorating only for us. I like to share it with everyone.

Okay, I'm done now, but I swear I'll be back soon.

hungry like the wolf...

2010-06-10T06:37:00.000-07:00

I'm starting a new diet. But not really, since I always ALWAYS fail at diets. Mostly because it is impossible for me to completely give up the things I like to eat. I love food too much. Members of my family and old coworkers have all tried two separate diets where the primarily consumed item is a shake. A shake? Really? And that's all I get to eat? I mean, my coworkers actually had "milk days" when they weren't allowed to eat ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL FOR 24 HOURS? So, really, I can't have this donut? Because I really want the donut. You know what? I'm having the donut. And thus, my failure of the fad diets.

I think I might be able to succeed at Nutri System or something else where you are encouraged to lose weight by having food delivered right to your door. No, don't get up. Here's the food. You're welcome. But anyway, I think I might be able to do that because I could pick and choose foods I like. My main problem with dieting is that, as soon as I see a chance to eat food I like, I have to eat it. I can't pass up a cheeseburger for a salad. With Nutri System, they probably have some low cal version of a cheeseburger and I most likely wouldn't know the difference. But, alas, I can't afford anything like that. Also, I have tried Weight Watchers but I usually go through the points in two meals since nothing I like is considered low enough.

So my "diet" is finding the most healthy of the things I will eat and trying to incorporate that into my diet as much as possible. Oatmeal? Sure, I'm eating it now. It's not the best but I can make it through. It's better than my normal breakfast of two waffles slathered in butter and syrup. So, if I can make a meal a bit healthier most of the time, I won't feel bad about the occasional cheeseburger and/or donut. I need those and trying to cut them out completely is the biggest mistake I can make.

I'm also working out but I know that if I don't cut back on the crap, I'll just have kick ass muscles under a layer of fat. And as hot as that sounds...

time after time...

2010-05-10T14:15:00.001-07:00

Home watching "The Wonder Pets" right now. Some people think that it is too early to watch cartoons for Abby's benefit. I disagree, I think the sooner the better. I have big plans to raise a genius child and live off her money in my old age. You heard it here first. If I have to suffer through some "Wonder Pets" now to live in luxury later... actually, what am I saying? I like "Wonder Pets." It's kind of a cartoon opera. Seriously, watch it some day. It's almost all performed in song.

For those who might not know, I will not be returning to work. It's weird to not have somewhere specific to go every morning. Weird but good. Boring sometimes, but every day is different for me, now that I can use Dan's car and have freedom to leave the house. I don't have to sit on the couch staring at her for eight hours a day. Not that I don't love staring at her, but she's only just begun to be entertaining. Also, once I started thinking of taking care of her as a job, it got to be a lot easier. I am better when I have a bit of structure. The whole thing is insanely ovewhelming in the beginning. "So I just have to keep filling up bottles, feeding them to her, cleaning them and then refilling them for the forseeable future?" It's like a job that's never done. That is until she gets old enough to feed herself and I wonder where the time went.

I watched Betty White on "SNL" today. That was the funniest episode of that show I have seen in a really long time. Partly due to Betty but also probably because they invited back all of the funny women who were on the show for the last fifteen years. Another classic Delicious Dish sketch, featuring Betty's Dusty Muffin. It was like the whole episode revolved around how dirty an 88 year old woman could be... and I loved it. We know my mind is always in the gutter.

these are the days you remember...

2010-03-04T07:39:00.001-08:00

Okay, I could have sworn I posted something up here after the baby was born. Maybe I just started something and then gave up on it. Anyway, yesterday was the six week anniversary (not really, since that implies something yearly but I don't know what else to say) of Abby's birth. She'll be two months old on March 19th. It feels like I both can't believe she's that old and also, that I can't believe she's that young. How could I have had a baby in my life for six weeks and also, how can she have only been a part of my life for six weeks? My grandmother had a baby brother who died at 3 or 5 months old, I can't really remember, and for some reason, I used to think it wasn't so bad, since the kid was very young, that somehow, the family wasn't all that attached to him yet. Not that it was a good thing, but better he died then than when he was much older. Now, I understand how my cousin, Jackie, was way more horrified by that story than I was. Everyone always says it, but you just cannot understand the amount of love you can feel for something until you hold it in your arms. I mean, I love Dan, a lot, but this is something totally different. I really hope that all of you get to experience it in your lives.

She's really been such a good baby. The other night, she slept for nine hours overnight, which is kind of ridiculous for such a young baby, but she definitely makes up for it with feedings during the day. Whenever we try to burp her while feeding, she starts freaking out. She doesn't want to go 5 minutes without eating. It's actually pretty funny, we need to get it on video before she gets too old and stops doing it.

Being home has been kind of boring. Daytime television is really the worst. I watch "Regis and Kelly" and "The Price is Right" semi-religiously. The rest is whatever I can find. Right now, I'm watching Man on Fire, which I always wanted to see and I can't believe it came out six years ago. What have I been doing for the past six years?

here it comes again...

2010-01-12T09:52:00.000-08:00

I am currently on bed rest. Technically, I guess this means I should be lying in bed all day, but I don't think I could ever do that, unless there was some horrific pain to go along with the reason for the bed rest and, this time, there isn't. I am slightly uncomfortable, sometimes much more than others, and my ankles and feet often swell to the point of hilarity, but I am still able to move around... even though I might need a helping hand to help me sit up once in a while. It is not fun to have what amounts to basically a 25 lb. weight in my torso. I'm afraid that for the split second after the baby is removed from me, all I will be happy about is not being pregnant anymore. I think that's fair, if only for a second. After all, I will only have one more second or so in which to think about myself. Once they put that baby in my arms, it's pretty much all about her for the rest of my life.

I am getting some stuff done around the house, things that would still go undone if I was working. Every so often- every time I've moved, in fact- I go through my "memory box", which is not a box as much as a broken file accordion from Staples that was so stuffed it no longer closes. Each time I go through it, I throw away more stuff that I previously thought I would need forever. This morning, I got rid of some cards, letters, old scripts to things, some pictures... however, I cannot get myself to throw out my 8th grade autograph book and I still can't figure out why. Maybe on the next go round.

My baby shower was this past weekend and the amount of gifts I received cannot be converted to the written word. There are so many clothes that I could throw out every outfit she wears for the first 6 months of her life after she's worn it once. I will most likely be returning a lot of them (as some of them are doubles... or, in the case of one set, one of FIVE) and using the credit to Babies R US for formula and diapers, which I hear tell I will need a lot of. Put that with the other gift cards and cash we received and I'm expecting to not have to lay out money for this kid for a while. But I'm sure it won't last half as long as I think. I literally have no idea how much diapers and formula cost.

Well, it won't be long now...

we'll take a cup of kindness yet...

2009-12-31T06:01:00.001-08:00

I just read last year's New Year's post... wow. I don't think a life could possibly be more different in the span of a year as mine has become. It just goes to show that you never know what can happen to you. I don't have much more to say than that. I'm looking forward to a great weekend with friends and an amazing year, filled with miracles. Love you all! Happy new year!

i'll tell you one and one makes three...

2009-12-29T10:46:00.000-08:00

Stuck smack dab in the middle of Christmas and New Year's. I guess it's a better place to be than the week after New Year's. Although, I start training my replacement on January 5th, so work as I know it is pretty much through this week, which is sort of weird. I've been trying to get everything all straightened up with my files the past few days, since the new girl will have access to all my stuff once I leave and I'd like it to make sense to her. I really just hope that I don't go into labor too early, before I've gotten a chance to adequately train her. There's just so much that happens in this job that doesn't happen every day, so three weeks of training might seem like a lot when it really isn't.

Also, my throat hurts and I can't take any medicine to make it feel better. More on this as it develops. Or ceases to develop, which is what I'm hoping for.

I am having a baby in, like, a month... does everyone realize this?

merry christmas, darling...

2009-12-18T07:09:00.000-08:00

My cousin, Brian, and his wife, Andrea, had their baby Wednesday. My coworker, Debbie, also had her baby last Thursday. So the two people I have been riding this pregnancy train with now have healthy new babies. This makes me feel good, since their pregnancies both turned out all right. It also makes me jealous, because I want my baby now and I want to not be pregnant for the holidays. Although if, for some reason, she was born now, she would have nowhere to sleep, since the room is still not ready for her and the living room is full of Christmas presents. So it's probably best she chills out a little longer.

My iPhone had a panic attack or something on the bus this morning, while trying to load a pic on Facebook, and now I can't turn it on again. I probably have to stop by the Apple store at some point tonight or tomorrow, because I can't stand being without a phone. I'm afraid the solution is going to be restoring it and it's hooked up to my parents' computer, so I think I have to do it there. I won't be going there until Christmas Eve... grrr.

I am really excited about the holidays this year, especially since I am actually finished with shopping before the week of Christmas. I think Dan and I did really well and we have a TON of presents. Plus, we are having a holiday party on the 26th, then going to a party for New Year's Eve, another one for New Year's Day and then... well, my baby shower is somewhere in there (I'll pretend not to know for the pictures) and then... baby. So we have a lot of exciting things coming up, culminating in probably one of the best things that can happen to two people. Needless to say, I think 2010 might be almost as good as 2009. Time will tell.

dream a little dream of me

2009-11-20T08:31:00.000-08:00

I have been having very vivid dreams every night since becoming pregnant. Last night, I dreamed that Fenix Down (along with some other friends) were given the opportunity to go on a spaceship for an undetermined amount of time. I was concerned about going because, a) I didn't know if there would be a doctor onboard to deliver my baby and b) I wouldn't be able to have contact with my parents, nor would they be there when my baby was born. I was having a very rough time making the decision and, in the dream, I was talking to my parents about it in my grandfather's kitchen, at which point, my father told me he had to go back to El Caribe and take back the deposit he had put down for my wedding date because my family had no money. I can't figure out what this had to do with space, but I think everything that happens in my dreams is just making me more and more anxious. I wake up and have to talk about it with Dan right away, just to get it off my mind, no matter how stupid it is. Because I will lay in bed, fully awake, and still be nervous about making this space decision. I'm sure it's because I am anxious about other things (like the living creature that is currently residing in my uterus) but I really wish my mind would let me be nervous about the things it makes sense to be nervous about, and not the possibility of space travel.

Ten weeks to go, people. (That's two and half months, Nan.) This thing is actually happening.

we all just wanna be big rock stars...

2009-10-22T07:08:00.001-07:00

Heading to Philly tonight for the Game X Expo tomorrow. Hopefully, just as we're arriving there, the Yankees will have secured the second World Series slot. Maybe I'll bring my Yankees hat, just to make everyone there hate me... but probably not. It's not like it's Boston.

After Friday, I won't be performing with the band, or even practicing, until after the baby is born. I'm kind of excited about the break. Having practice so often lately has been very tiring. But I have a feeling I am going to be really jealous of the girl they are getting to fill in for me. She's seventeen, and I'm sure very pretty and young and not pregnant and very excited about singing in a band. Whereas, I am almost thirty, knocked up and totally not appreciative of all the opportunities I have to sing. sigh... I guess I had my time. And I'm not really old. In fact, I didn't start feeling old until about 6 months ago, but it's hard to feel like a teenager when there's a baby growing inside you.

This is going to be good. I am going to have all my weeknights free to do other things and (mostly) relax and, once Abby's a few months old, I'll be back in the saddle. This is probably going to give me a new passion for the band, since I'll miss it so much. I hope.

help

2009-10-15T07:27:00.000-07:00

What's the correct response to "You look pregnant today."?

baby love

2009-10-12T13:34:00.001-07:00

It's been about a month and a half since my last posting. I am now very obviously pregnant. My belly looks fake to me, like something you strap onto your waist when you're playing a pregnant woman on TV. What isn't fake, however, (not that the belly is) is the movement inside it. Some days can go by quietly with just a flutter and others have this kid doing jumping jacks in my uterus. I don't know what could possibly get so exciting in there, but I guess when 14 hours of your day is sleeping and the rest is floating around staring at my uterine wall, you have to liven things up a bit. She actually scares me sometimes when I'm not expecting it and I feel, and sometimes see, a swift kick to the inside of me. It doesn't really feel like a kick, and it doesn't hurt... at least not yet. It just feels like the world's worst gas bubble. In the beginning, it was actually hard to differentiate the two. Now, it's pretty easy.

Also, she tends to like chilling on the right side of my stomach, which is why my belly button is now totally off-center, which freaks me out every time I look at it. I think the right side is where she sleeps or something. You can very clearly feel the difference between where she is and where it's only fat underneath. I'm sure that will only become more prominent over the next three and a half months.

That's all I have left. Three and a half months until Dan and I become parents for the rest of our lives. Although honestly, I feel like a parent already. We talk about Abby as if she is already here. It's going to be very odd to have to look into a face when we refer to her and not at my stretched out stomach, complete with popping belly button.

I really liked my deep belly button. I hope I get that back.

said, hey pretty baby will you marry me?

2009-08-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

Disney World was amazing. On one hand, I couldn't go on all the rides I wanted to in Disney and Universal. On the other hand, two other things happened that kind of trumped all that and made this a pretty good contender for Best Vacation I Will Ever Have. (I'll wait until after my honeymoon to make that final call.)

Dan and I are officially engaged. Like, ring on my finger engaged. It's pretty incredible and he totally surprised me with it. I mean, we'd had plans to get married, so I wasn't sure whether or not I'd even be getting a ring, but he planned it very romantically and got down on one knee next to the Wishing Well at the foot of Cinderella's castle. (I swear there used to be a tunnel of love underneath the castle but Google is revealing nothing, so I guess I'm just crazy.) There are pictures and even a video, so it's definitely a moment I'll never forget, not that I ever would.

Now we just have to figure out when we want to get married. I was thinking maybe Fall 2010 but, although it is over a year away, I feel like we are going to be very occupied with the new addition and a wedding takes way more planning than I feel like I am ready to commit to right now. So we could do Spring 2011. I don't know when it'll be easier to do things though: when I'm pregnant or when I have an infant? At least someone else can watch the infant for us... hmm, this requires further thought.

Anyway, yay! I'm engaged to Dan!

PS - I forgot to mention the second good thing that happened. I came in second in the finals for the American Idol Experience. More on that in a later post.

fly me to the moon...

2009-08-11T07:29:00.000-07:00

We're leaving for Disney World Saturday morning. I am more than a little excited. Now that all the moving is done (not the unpacking, but whatever), I have been more able to focus on the trip. And also, on the germs that will be parading around the airport and the plane (and probably the theme park but I think the excess happiness of the place cancels them out). I have been seriously considering wearing one of those surgical masks on the plane. I mean, I understand I will probably look like a paranoid crazy person but I am so afraid of getting swine flu that I might not care about looking like a loon for two and a half hours in front of five of my friends and some other people I will most likely never see again.

Also, my sinuses have been so bad that I am expecting them to just explode out of my head at a certain altitude.

I am really excited but I very much just want to be in Florida. I hate flying.

having my baby...

2009-07-23T06:21:00.000-07:00

I am having a baby.

Phew... it feels good to finally get that out on here. I've been refraining from actually releasing the words to the Internet, since there were still some people I was waiting to tell in person. But now, it looks like the cat is out of the bag, so I am clear to discuss my own personal life on my own personal blog. Freeing.

As I mentioned vaguely in the previous post, I would never in a million years have expected my life to go in the direction that it has. That's not to say I'm not happy about it. I mean, everyone wants to find someone they love, get married and have a baby. So, eventually, all that stuff is going to be done and in years to come, no one will remember or care about the order in which it occurred.

I'm very happy with the decisions I've made, especially in light of information I have recently received from some people about some people. Suffice it to say, my life is still running smoothly, and although I understand it will be forever changed on or around Feb. 2, I don't expect it will change who I am as a person. At least, I don't plan on letting it.

Now everyone else (married people)... start catching up.

i will buy you a new life

2009-06-30T09:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, so since my last blog post, my life has pretty much changed as much as it's possible for a person's life to change... okay, maybe not that much but I'd say that 80% of the big things that were true about me back in April are not true anymore. If you'd told me a mere 3 months ago where I would be right now, I probably would have had you locked away in a mental institution. Because seriously... Dan and I are just friends.

Well, I'm not going to get into everything on here, since there are still some people who may be reading who aren't caught up on all facets of my life changes as of yet, but I will say that I think I am monumentally more prepared for it than I ever would have thought I could be. Sometimes, when I think about it all, I get very scared and emotional and even angry (although not very much anymore), but then I remember that I have pretty much the best support system anyone could have and it could be so much worse and... honestly, not much better, if you think about it. Sure, things are happening slightly out of order but I think the bigger picture is that they're happening and that's what counts. So... it's all good. It's all going to be fine. Deep breaths.

what's in your head...

2009-05-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

I sometimes marvel at the way I am able to sing on stage while half-asleep. There comes a certain point of the night when even the second wind has faded away and my brain pretty much decides it is no longer going to cooperate with me unless I lay down and get some rest. My body must have some secret storage space somewhere where lyrics to songs are filed away, so when my brain gives up for the night, my mouth is still able to produce the information needed to get through the set. The fact that I can do this is why it bothers me so much when I forget the words to anything. I have a ridiculous memory that stretches over years and I hate when I just randomly lose the words to "Misery Business" and stand there staring blankly at everyone in horror. The same thing happened to me on stage during 'Godspell', when I had to manuever my way through the end of my monologue and pray to God that Sue would come in with the song without hearing my exact cueline.

I miss Stagers.

I am very excited about this upcoming weekend. I have a great birthday celebration to attend Saturday night and then we head to the bright lights of Bloomsburg Sunday morning. I anticipate having to go to 8am Mass, after getting home around 3am or so. So I hope Bara and Dan have a lot to talk about for those three hours. I don't think I'll be contributing very much.

I have attended Mass without fail since Easter Sunday. At the power hour at Lou's, I swore that I would not miss it for any reason that I could control and I am very proud of myself for sticking by my, albeit drunken, word. This means, however, that I have to go to Mass this Thursday night, since Ascension Thursday is a Holy Day of Obligation. I wonder how many people actually go to Mass on those days. Although, my mother will probably be singing. I'm sure I can just sit near her.

I'm sorry that this blog sometimes becomes stream of consciousness.

money, that's what i want

2009-05-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

Wow, I just had a mini-money panic attack. I went to order the Disney plane tickets and realized I do not have enough money on either of my credit cards right now to cover the cost. I get paid Friday, so it shouldn't be an issue then, but sometimes, when I actually come face to face with how much money I owe, it knocks me for a loop. I really can't fathom how I will ever pay it all off. I wish I could go back in time to the moment I signed up for my second credit card and punch myself in the face. Better yet, I'd have Chuck Norris punch me in the face. Why did I think I could transfer half of it to the second card and then cease to use the first one? What ever made me think I'd have the willpower to pull that off?

Ugh... I know everyone owes money but some people just make so much more and then talk about it and they're really nice and not trying to make me feel badly AT ALL but I seriously take a look at my salary and I am just barely living. Then, I think about other people who are actually just barely living, and I thank God that I still have a job and I can pay my bills.

Okay... it's not that bad... I just had to get that out.

if you could read my mind...

2009-04-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

I just heard a commercial on the radio for some psychic that ended with, "Remember, if your reading is not the best you've ever had, it's free!" I think that's a poor choice of words. Maybe, "if your reading is not the most accurate you've ever had." Because if the psychic told me that my entire family was going to die in a fiery car crash, it might be spot on, but I don't know that I'd call it the best.

drink up me hearties, yo ho!

2009-04-21T05:53:00.001-07:00

The one remaining Somali pirate is being brought into court today. The news had video of him being escorted by police and made a big deal of how he had a huge smile on his face. What did they expect? He's a fucking pirate! Can you imagine a pirate walking to his doom with his head down? No, he has to look like a cocky badass right til the end. That smile actually made me respect him a little bit more. Especially since he didn't tamper with the Chinese sneakers.

it's my life

2009-04-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

My grandmother is back in an assisted living facility/hospital sort of place. Not the one I visited and described some entries back, that made me want to kill myself. My mother says this place is actually nice. So I'm hoping she'll get better enough to leave and live on her own again eventually. I don't like to think she'll be spending the rest of her life in a place like that, although I guess it could certainly be worse. At least she'd be with people 24/7 who could take care of her and all. It's so depressing. I don't plan on getting old. I'm just going to eventually be older but never change the way I look or act or feel. Hope that's all right with everyone.

95.5 is SUCH a better station to listen to at work all day than 92.3 NOW. Seriously, I could not go another day hearing "Poker Face" seventeen times. That station was making me loathe songs I actually liked.

I got cookies from one of my bosses this morning for Adminsitrative Professionals Week. I really enjoy the fact that this "holiday" went from Secretaries Day to what it is now. I don't think very many other jobs have an entire week of celebration. I guess someone somewhere realized that if all the Administrative workers went on strike one day, the world would shut down. When some people get to a certain level of management, they shut down portions of their brain, never to be used again. You'd just have 10 million CEOs staring blankly at a copy machine for hours on end.

ma-a-a-a-a-a-ps

2009-04-13T10:21:00.001-07:00

Sitting at my new desk. This is the beginning of the third week here, I believe, and it really hasn't been as bad as I anticipated. I kind of like being in the thick of things. I hear a lot more gossip and am able to more readily share my own. So I would say on the whole, this has been a positive move.

I had an okay holiday this weekend with my family. My grandmother was here from New Jersey. She was recently on this medication that gave her tremors and, because of this, her right arm was basically shaking the entire weekend. And not slightly, but to the point where her caretaker who drove her to our house made the joke that she should get a part-time job as a fluffer. Totally innappropriate but, because it was my family, hilarious. Anyway, between being depressed in general and all this shaking, her nerves are just totally shot and all she does is complain about everything. I know I should have some sympathy for her, because she is my grandmother and all, but after a while, I really couldn't take it. On the drive over, it would go something like this:

"It's cold in this car."
"I don't want to wear this seatbelt." (So take it off) "No, I can't, you'll get a ticket."
"Do we really have to sit in all this traffic?"
"Donna, you're talking too much."
"It's hot in this car."
"I can't sit here anymore."

It got to the point where I just consciously never want to complain about anything again, just to keep from sounding like that.

Also, it terrifies me that I will be a terrible mother, because I have absolutely no patience for things like that. I mean, I didn't yell at her or anything, but I really really wanted to.

i just wanna scream, hello...

2009-03-27T06:51:00.001-07:00

One of my good friends at work got laid off yesterday. This is a guy I literally have lunch with every day, except Fridays. It's really shitty that this had to happen, especially to such a nice person and a hard worker. I can't think of anyone in my group who really deserves to be laid off, but I think he especially didn't. So now, I am glum. Also, I have to move my desk, away from where I have a modicum of privacy- and am right next to all my files- over into the cubicles with everyone else. I used to sit with everyone in the old office, so it's not like I won't get used to it, but I sort of like being slightly separated from everyone, and having a much larger desk. I mean, I'm everyone's admin, so I should be accessible to everyone. Ah, well... bitching isn't going to get me anywhere, especially to people who have absolutely no control over the situation.

I am looking forward to tomorrow morning (afternoon?) for the League Tuffendale baseball draft, and tomorrow night, for Maloney's and Vinny being home again, but I am dreading the in-between time, when I have to go to the Time Warner Cable office and drop off my old cable box and modem. The last time I was there, to switch out my original box for a DVR, it was a Monday afternoon (I had called out sick from work) and it was PACKED. So I am really not looking forward to going alone on a Saturday afternoon. I might try to guilt my father into going with me. The cable box is awfully heavy...

Other than that, I don't have much else to report. Last weekend was a fun drunken time (blowing .24 on the breathalyzer at BJ's might be my personal best, and I am even more proud after watching Castle last night, and hearing that someone at .28 is near unconscious) and the rest of this week hasn't offered up any gems. But, like I said, I am looking forward to tomorrow. I hope TWC doesn't sour my mood.

EDIT: I asked my dad to go with me tomorrow and he said to just drop off the box and modem with a blank check and he will bring it for me on Monday. Soooo spoiled. Between my father doing everything for me and my brother having dinner on the table every night when I get home from work, I am never going to find a man to measure up. If I wasn't allergic, I'd be gathering cats right now.

relax! don't do it, when you wanna go to it...

2009-03-16T06:31:00.000-07:00

So the ANTM open call in Manhattan turned into a riot over the weekend. Three people were arrested and six had to be taken to the hospital with various injuries, some the result of being trampled. Apparently, an overheating car prompted someone to scream, "It's a bomb!" which then started a stampede. Seriously? Who yells "It's a bomb" in a crowd of people? Besides the fact that you likely wouldn't see evidence of a bomb before it detonated... I don't know. I actually can't think of what reaction I would have in that situation. Not the overheating car, but the actually laying eyes on a bomb. I guess my first instinct would be to get the hell out of there and then feel horribly guilty later for the carnage I'd left in my wake by not hysterically alerting everyone else. Thankfully, I was too old to audition and so saved myself a lot of wasted time and potential broken bones. Now I'm happy to be old!

I had a pretty awesome weekend. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I had the most fun Friday that I will ever have at a cancer benefit. My family sure does know how to wring the sadness out of a situation. Also, Saturday was a really good time as well. Sitting at TGI Friday's, talkin' about dead people, then a viewing of Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood at Vinny and Emily's and Rock Band to wrap up the night. Sometimes, I really don't think my life has changed that much in the past ten years. I've just exchanged some of my friends. And there's slightly more alcohol.

age ain't nothin' but a number

2009-03-11T08:18:00.000-07:00

Ughhh... I am too old to audition for the short season of America's Next Top Model. Forget about the fact that I am not thin enough and don't really know how to pose in front of a camera. Those are just details. I'm too old. The ages are from 18-27 and I am looking down the barrel of the big ol' 2-8. This is way more depressing than it should be, as I'm reasonably certain I had no real intention of auditioning. But still... don't tell me what I can't do!

I wonder if I could lie... although, of course, if I went in there saying I was 18 or 19, they would probably accuse me of looking too young. So really, I can't win. In a few years, I'm just going to look like a 16-year-old girl with graying hair and wrinkles. I'm Benjamin Button.

The new apartment is great so far. I got my first taste of the parking situation at 11:30 Monday night and it's pretty bad. But no worse than my parents' house AND I parked slightly in a crosswalk and didn't get a ticket. Other than the parking, I really love the place. It's not done yet; we still don't have DVR (curses!) and my father has to put up the door between my brother and my bedrooms and I have to figure out where I'm putting the two garbage bags of stuffed animals and at least two boxes of other things I have no room to store. Thank God my room is big. Even with all the boxes still sitting around, it's at least double the size of any other room I've ever had. I can do a dance routine in the middle of the floor, which is, of course, what every little girl dreams of in a bedroom. Right? It wasn't just me, was it?

My brother is going to be cooking dinner every night, which is AWESOME, but also means I have to eat whatever he makes and shut up about it, which is putting my diet somewhat in the shitter. Last night, we had cheeseburgers and Key Food brand shells and cheese. I guess it could be worse and, seriously, I am not complaining about having dinner on the table for me when I get home from work. For the past year, I have been eating leftovers or ramen noodles/Ellio's pizza for dinner, alone. I'll just have to be extra healthy during the day to make up for it.

my flag boy and your flag boy, sittin' by the fire...

2009-03-05T06:51:00.000-08:00

Sunday is the official move in date. I may possibly be asking for volunteers to help out on Sunday afternoon, which I will decide upon tonight after I talk to my father about how many people he thinks we'll need to help. This would involve moving my couch out of the house, which- as much as my father thinks it won't- is going to be difficult. The hallway and doorway of my apartment are very narrow and the movers who brought it in three years ago ripped the back of it on the top of the banister. I probably should have demanded a new couch but no one except Nancy and I ever knew it was ripped and the headache it would have been to get the old one out and the new one in would have been more trouble than it was worth. So, in conclusion, if you're reading this and you're male (so, everyone but Michelle... as far as I know), stay tuned.

I started a new diet on Sunday. So far, it's going well, but the first week of any diet I start always goes well, so I'm not claiming victory yet. I have this idea that once I get into the new place, I am going to buy a Wii Fit and that will be the way I lose weight. Don't tell me marketing doesn't work...

Also, for all the people (you know who you are) who complain about the lack of updates and having nothing to read, go to my other blog and read the first issue of the comic I have posted there. (Yes, I have been reduced to begging people to read things.) Rereading "Watchmen" has made me want to write more of it but I feel sort of stupid to keep doing so when Brendan and I are the only two people reading it... okay, I think Tom read some, too. Anyway, make a poor, old woman happy and read the goddamn thing, so I can feel loved and important. Go on. Your country needs you.

oh little ol' me...

2009-02-24T12:26:00.000-08:00

My brother and I (and my father... and possibly my mother... and maybe the ashes of my dead dog, if we can fit them in the car) are going to pay the first month's rent and the security deposit on our new apartment tomorrow. Apparently, we are getting the keys on Saturday and then... that's it. I officially live in two separate homes; three, if you want to count the place I eat crap food and watch movies on Sundays and really, until I get married, I can't stop referring to my parents' house as "home." I might have just sort of stolen that idea from Garden State but there you go. I could pick a worse movie to steal ideas from.

I had an awesome and exciting dream on Sunday night that involved me and the rest of the DnD gang in some house running around and experiencing some type of crazy adventure. I specifically remember Dan and Joe being there but I know the rest were, too. The problem is, I cannot remember any of it and it's really making me mad. In the dream, I knew I would forget it, so I had a second dream wherein I told all my friends about the first dream, since I knew talking about it would make it stick. Then, I woke up and promptly forgot it. I think it may be time for a dream journal.

I miss having someone. Is that pessimism? I'm going with no. Also, does it make me a terrible person to like having a guy take care of me? Like is that such a step backward for feminists? Would my fellow women be ashamed of me? I sometimes think that there is a women somewhere trapped inside of me who would absolutely love living in the 1950s... but then I remember that I can't cook and hate cleaning so I don't think I'd last very long back then. Do you think Dick Van Dyke would've been okay with eating mac and cheese for dinner?

I started this journal with the idea that each post would be one separate narrative but turns out, not that many exciting things happen to me on a daily basis. I thought a guy might have been coming over to hit on me Saturday night, but he was just asking me to do an interview for the band. Then later on, when I apologized for not being able to hear him, he said it was probably because of his accent. Because I still couldn't hear him, I had no idea what kind of accent he had, so it's possible I let my one chance for chatting up a British guy slip through my fingers. That, my friends, would have been one hell of a story. I imagine the story of accomplishing one of my life goals could have gotten pretty long-winded.

i'm moving out!

2009-02-02T10:38:00.000-08:00

I found two songs with pretty much the same lyric. I should probably have saved this when for when I'm actually moving out but whatever. I have faith in my creativity; I'll find a new one.

Anyway, yes, I am moving out, between March 1st and April 1st. The apartment I mentioned in the last entry will be mine and Ricky's new home. I am really excited about it, but also sad about leaving Nancy. I've come to really love the apartment I live in now, but really, I feel like the love is slowly beginning to drop and pretty soon I may end up hating it. My neighbor is a big part of the reason why I will be pleased as punch to get out, but there are other reasons, too, which I won't document here.

My new apartment is on the first floor, so this will be the first time I don't have to climb a flight of stairs (other than the front stoop) to get to my house. The people who live above me are a young couple with a really adorable baby girl and they seem very nice, so I don't think we'll have any problems in that department. This is also the first time I've lived in a non-brownstone-style house. I am no longer connected on one or both sides. I am really moving up in the world, aren't I?

I had a crazy dream last night involving Randall Flagg somehow but I can't remember what it was. All I remember is waking up to my brother Alex calling my name and feeling very creeped out, since it had sounded as if him calling me was what had woken me up. See what reading comic books is doing to me? This didn't happen when I read the actual books... although almost being hit with flying pieces of wood and seeing hidden messages on balloons might be a little bit worse. Seriously. The Dark Tower made me a little bit crazy.

move out, don't mess around...

2009-01-23T13:28:00.000-08:00

In the last month or so (pretend I'm writing this blog Monday), two of my friends have moved away from New York. Both had very good reasons for doing so and one, at least (I hope both) seems to be happy with his decision thus far. I myself cannot imagine packing up my life and moving anywhere farther from where I am now than New Jersey. Even that would be a stretch. I honestly believe that I both a) talk too fast and b) am too impatient to live anywhere but New York. I understand there are other big cities out there where people are often rude and lose their tempers with those who don't belong. In fact, I'm sure there are others right here on the east coast (see: Boston), but New York is too much "my home" for me to ever consider leaving it. Not that I think my friends are crazy for moving on; far from it. I think it takes a certain strength of character to start over, a strength that I do not have. I rely on my friends and family so much. I can't decide if that's a good or bad thing... maybe it's just a neutral thing and there's nothing good or bad about it. It's just different.

I will however be moving in the next few months, although to where is still a mystery. I may possibly be looking at an aprtment tomorrow. My brother's friend offered us a spot in his duplex for $425 a piece... but we'd have to share a bedroom. For two full seconds, I actually debated the possibility, because $425 a month in rent was such a nice number to roll around my brain, but in the end I realized I am a twenty-seven year old woman, my brother is a twenty-four year old man and- even if we were seven and four again- I am a spoiled brat who has never shared a room with anyone and desparately enjoys her privacy once in a while. So yeah. Sorry, $425. Maybe next time.

i believe i can fly

2009-01-13T09:43:00.000-08:00

There was a bird in my apartment yesterday. The idea that I might have been in the same closed-in area with a bird while at my most vulnerable (i.e. straight out of the shower... I don't know why I feel that way, but I do. I guess it's the thought of running out of my house naked in blind fear. The bird would only be the beginning of my problems.) is both thrilling and terrifying. Let me explain: apparently, Sunday night, my cousin, while letting her dog out to do its business in our backyard through the basement back door, accidentally allowed a black bird to fly into the house. I will blame this entire thing on that dog, although it is very nice, because it is extremely badly behaved and almost tore my finger off in its choke chain once when I was trying to walk it... but that's another story. Anyway, she did what any typical woman would do (me included) and ran back to her apartment, slamming the door shut behind her. Monday afternoon, she went back to the basement and couldn't find the bird. She had happened to call her father (our landlord) to come fix a heating issue in the house. In doing so, they both went upstairs to my apartment to check the thermostat. All three occupants were at work, but my cousin heard a rustling noise in the living room and slowly went to investigate, at which point, she found the bird trapped in the curtains behind my couch. My uncle somehow grabbed it in a towel and set it free off my back porch. I'm sure my neighbor will have some reason to complain about this incident, too. The bird was probably making so much noise, he couldn't hear his television.

When I got home yesterday evening, all that remained of the bird were some wrinkled curtains and a few droplets on my couch that resembled white out. But the scariest part of this is that there was no contact with this bird from Sunday night, till Monday afternoon, which means that it could very well have been in my living room, sitting in the dark, while I was getting ready for work. I just can't even imagine how terrified I would have been had I heard a noise, gone to check it out, and been hit in the face with a camouflaged and panicked bird. I'd probably still be crying.

I wonder if I'd be this afraid of birds if a seagull hadn't tried to steal my turkey sandwich out of my hands when I was eleven. I mean, I got the sandwich back, but ultimately the seagull won, as my parents wouldn't let me eat it after the bird's claws had been sunk into the roll. I can still see that bird flapping in my face and my cousin, Michael, then sixteen, sitting on a beach chair nearby, laughing.

Don't tell me I'm not scarred.

i'm a loser, baby...

2009-01-07T13:21:00.000-08:00

Seven days in and I think the New Year's resolution is coming along pretty well. I am actively trying to stay positive but I hope that, eventually, I won't have to think about it anymore and it'll just happen. Like breathing.

I'm also part of a Biggest Loser competition with some of my family members. I was asked by my cousin if I wanted to take part in it, and her question was prefaced with, "I don't want to insult you by asking this, but..." I'm glad she thinks I am fit enough to be insulted by being asked if I want to lose weight. Anyway, I have to kick in $20 at the beginning and then, for every week I gain, I have to throw in another $5. I believe we're doing this until some time around Easter. I usually hover around the same weight anyway, so as long as I don't gain, I won't lose all that much money. I've tried before to switch my diet over to healthy foods, which for me, mostly means grilled chicken instead of fried. But this time, I think I'll try a little harder, being that there's money involved. I also did a 22 minute Exercise-on-Demand in my living room last night, ignoring the fact that I actually belong to a gym to which I NEVER GO. I swear, if I ever try to pay money to a gym again, someone direct me to this post. Unless I am doing Fenix Down full-time and have free mornings and afternoons in which to make myself attractive to our millions of fans. Then, it's all right.

I'm also trying to do some other good things for myself in this new year. I cooked myself an actual dinner last night (grilled chicken... see?... and rice) as opposed to eating ramen noodles or a grilled cheese. I've also been wearing my glasses at work, like I'm supposed to. I'm taking care of myself this year. All I have to do is actually fill out that 401K paperwork and I'll really be on the ball. I've only been sitting on that for over a year... I'm sure I'll get to it any day now.

let's make a resolution, (i'll drink to that.) let's always stay friends...

2008-12-31T09:00:00.000-08:00

I feel as if I'm supposed to be reflecting on my life today. In all honesty, it hasn't been the best year for me, although, if I really thought about it, I could probably come up with some that have been worse. I've been called a selfish person by some, so, in the spirit of trying not to be, I've got to stop complaining about what I don't have and focus on what I do. I need, in 2009, to become a glass half-full girl (woman?... nah, I'm still not ready for that), something it's become increasingly harder for me to be. I'm constantly thinking about how sad I'll be when the fun is over and not enjoying it while it lasts.

So 2009 is going to be the year of optimism. No more worrying about what may or may not happen. I'm just going to live my life, take each day at a time and whatever happens, happens. I'm going to go out on a limb here and make the call that I am too awesome to die alone. Unless I die in the immediate future... see, there's the pessimism I was telling you about! I am going to get all of that out in the next twelve hours, I swear.

Also, to all my friends, I love you more than I can say (unless I'm wasted). I am so happy to have you all in my life and I will appreciate your help in turning over my 2009 leaf. I am allergic to leaves, so I'd rather not handle it all on my own.

Happy 2009!!

baby come back

2008-12-16T18:25:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here watching Larry King Live and he's talking to a few lawyers about the Caylee Anthony murder and I am literally crying on my couch. How can someone kill a baby like that? How can you look in that baby's eyes- especially when she's YOUR DAUGHTER- and end her life? I just can't imagine how fucking desperate a person has to be to do something like that. And with all the people who want a baby in this world... leave her at the fire department or the police station or at Church.

I wanted to call someone and vent about this but I'm pretty sure my mother is sleeping and neither of my roommates are home and there's really nothing to say about it anyway, other than whining about how people are fucking sick and have no souls. I guess we all knew that anyway but still... I just don't get it. I would have taken her. Anyone out there who is thinking about murdering their babies, just leave them on my doorstep. They'll probably have to eat Ellios and mac and cheese for every meal, but at least they'll be alive.

Also, there is nothing on TV, which is why I was watching Larry King Live in the first place. I blame network programming for making me cry.

what's in your head

2008-12-08T15:46:00.000-08:00

Did you ever think something about a person- not "Ew" or "Ugh" but an actual, rational thought, like, "You are disgusting"- and then immediately worry that the person might be telepathic and come after you in a mindless rage?

This happens to me more often than you'd think, as I am constantly talking to myself, inside my own head, in complete sentences. I'm well aware that this may be lunatic behavior but I've been doing it too long to stop now. The above-mentioned phrase, "You are disgusting", was directed this evening at a heavy, ratty-looking male sitting across from me on the N train. I was so engrossed in the book I am currently reading- I Was Told There'd Be Cake by Sloane Crosley (which is probably the catalyst for the post you are currently reading, since I only ever write things after being jealous that someone else wrote them first)- that I didn't notice the gentleman until I stood up to switch trains. At this point, I heard him making a sucking noise and looked at him for the first time. He was eating a bag of some kind of nuts (grown on a tree, not out of a human male) and spitting the shells onto the floor of the subway, like he was at a baseball game. Even at baseball games, I find that practice vile, since even though you are technically outdoors, you really aren't outdoors, you are inside the stadium and it's someone's job to clean up those discarded shells after you leave to pack yourself into a sweaty subway car. I guess a person could say that spitting the shells is good for the economy, since not spitting them would take away one more job, but that person would not be me. In fact, I can't think of a single place, recession or no, that I would condone people spitting their food on the ground. But I digress... inside of a subway car is certainly not the place for it and I took a moment to look down upon this man, perched on his clearly lower rung of the evolutionary chain, and think to myself, "You are disgusting."

In the literal five seconds it took the train doors to open and me to exit onto the platform, I envisioned a scenario wherein this man would look up at me, hatred blazing in his lidded eyes, and suddenly leap from his seat to chase me onto the platform, beating me into submission and yelling, "Who's disgusting now!?" Obviously, this did not happen and could never happen. Unless of course, my brain and mouth one day fail to function as the wonderful partners they have become and my terrible thoughts spew forth into the audible world. Although, then again, a chubby guy who is slouched on a train spitting food onto the floor is probably in no mood to chase a pretty healthy young woman down a subway platform anyway. I wasn't wearing heels and I have a feeling I could run pretty fast if I thought my life depended on it. The fastest I think I have ever run was away from my friend chasing me with a butterfly. Of course, that was over ten years ago, when I was considerably lighter and... less-developed, but I imagine the adrenaline would carry me through.

...I think the nuts were cashews.

white wedding

2008-11-17T07:41:00.000-08:00

Back from Baltimore, where I celebrated the wedding of my cousin Billy and his new wife, Megan. The whole weekend was a ridiculously good time. We left at 9am on Saturday from Brooklyn and got to Baltimore around noon. We then headed to Mick O'Shea's, which is Billy's favorite Irish pub/restaurant and was directly across the street from our hotel. We ate there, then went to the rehearsal, then ate again at the dinner, then went back to Mick O'Shea's to drink.

Most of the weekend was eating and drinking, but there were some other highlights. On Saturday, a few members of my family (after having an awkward breakfast at McDonald's... see? More eating) went to the Inner Harbor, which is sort of like South Street Seaport with more pigeons... or, at least more pigeons gathered in tight clumps. I don't know what the obsession is with being on vacation and feeding birds. Do they not have birds where you are from? I could see if they were strange and exotic birds, if they were beautiful or did some tricks or something, but these are the same dirty, diease-ridden, flying rats that you probably see everyday. Unless you are from a place that doesn't have pigeons, in which case a) where do you live and do they have apartments to rent? and b) ...no, fuck it, pigeons are gross either way. Stop feeding them and stop letting your children touch them. They can sustain themselves.

Anyway... the wedding was at the Loyola College chapel, where my cousin Billy and his brother went to schoool. The campus was beautiful and every time I visit an actual college campus, it sort of makes me sad, because all I ever got to see was the Great Lawn. I never went out on the Quad to play frisbee or Hackeysack (Did that hit Crazy Stairs?!). But then I really think about my college years and all the good friends I made and how annoying it was to walk to class in the rain and how much worse it would have been had I actually had to walk a significant distance. Plus, I've never played Hackeysack in my life and, quite frankly, am pretty sure I don't even know how to spell it, so it was probably all for the best.

The reception was in the Baltimore Museum of Industry. Very strange but interesting and perfect for the wedding of two chemists. (Ah... nerd love.) The dance floor was underneath a hanging plane, which I still insist was a model but some members of my family thought was real and my brother assumed his point had been proven when we saw an exhibit nearby with pictures of the plane... but I still say it proves nothing. This doesn't really matter because, model or not, if that thing had fallen, it would have been a pretty sad wedding. I also decided I would like to have my wedding underneath the blue whale in the Musem of Natural History, which I think we can all agree is definitely a model. Don't ask why I would like to celebrate my marriage surrounded by glass cases of taxidermied mammals... I just would. So step one: find a ridiculously rich man who would like to marry me and pay for that wedding. Additional steps to follow.

All in all, it was a great weekend. I even got to sing with the all-black band in Mick O'Shea's on Saturday night. My father has to go up to literally everyone who steps behind a mic and tell them that his daughter also sings in a band. Thankfully, they did not know "Sweet Child of Mine" which is the song that everyone always wants to hear me sing but- sorry, Axl- it is starting to become the bane of my existence. Much like "Summer of '69" is the bane of Perry's.

america the beautiful

2008-11-06T07:50:00.000-08:00

I've pretty much steered clear of posting anything on this blog or on Facebook detailing my political views. Mostly because I am in the dead center of the opposition... which I just typed as "poopsition" and that's too funny not to share. My family (most of them, anyway) are all Republicans, from my grandfather to my youngest brother. Or, if they're not all Republicans, they at least all voted for McCain. The only exceptions are my cousin, Katie, who is a hardcore Obama fanatic, and my cousin-in-law, Andrea, who lived in Illinois most of her life and also supports Obama. She's pretty vocal about it as well, which is something I would be hesitant to do when I was just about a year into the family. But that's not my call, I guess.

I voted for Obama. I figure there's no sense in hiding it anymore since he won and I might as well support the President we're going to have, especially since I helped put him there. I like Obama. I'm not going to lie and say some of it didn't have to do with how charming he appears on television. But I did watch at least one of the debates and I agreed mostly with what Obama had to say, so that's the way I went. I didn't hate McCain. I wouldn't have flipped over any cars if he'd won. But it does feel pretty inspiring to have been involved in the election of the first African American man to the presidency. Although, an incident in Lord & Taylor bothered me yesterday and is probably the only reason I wouldn't have wanted Obama to win.

I was in there with a guy I work with, who is half Puerto Rican, and the woman who was helping us was also Puerto Rican. So she asked him, "Did you vote for Obama?", he said, "Yes," and she slapped him five and said something to the effect of how all Puerto Ricans should have voted for Obama. Besides the fact that he is not Puerto Rican, I just hate that people voted for him simply because he's a minority. I understand, like I said above, wanting to be part of something historic and a great leap forward for the African American community. But, at least pretend that you listened to something he said or knew a little about his proposed policies. Don't vote for him just to get a black guy in the White House.

Okay, I'm done. No more poltical talk until next year when I will discuss whether or not Mike Bloomberg is trying to become the King of New York, a title that can only be rightly bestowed upon Bill Pullman and the cast of Newsies.

it's all been done

2008-10-23T07:45:00.000-07:00

I just started a new blogspot page where I will be posting things I've written that I've actually finished. First up? My comic, called "Normal." I only posted the first issue right now. I'll see if any of you read it (some of you already may have but it's been edited slightly) and then if people do enjoy it and no one rips my writing to shreds maybe I'll keep posting. Seeing as how only about five people read this blog (that I know of), and you are all my friends, there probably won't be much ripping to shreds, even if you don't like it. But I do appreciate constructive criticism on everything I write.

Anyway, the link is: http://completedworks.blogspot.com. I'll eventually post other things as well, but as the site is called "Completed Works", it won't be bursting at the seams, since my main problem with writing is actually finishing what I start and not getting distracted by a shiny object halfway through. Knowing people might be interested in what I write could help me, though, so like I said, feel free to comment as you see fit.

crazy

2008-10-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

I didn't realize it until this morning but, other than Michelle's birthday Saturday night, this was a wholly depressing weekend.

It started out with Gelo's mother's wake Friday night. I almost hate attending wakes with my friends because whenever we get together, no matter what the circumstances, we have a good time. Normally, this would be a wonderful thing but not at a wake and I feel awful standing outside the room laughing when someone is lying in a coffin mere feet away. Of course, we weren't really disruptive and I can't remember minding that at the wakes I have attended over the past two years or so. It helps sometimes to get the person's mind off of where they are and what they're doing. I can't even fathom how Gelo was feeling that night but I have to imagine that I'd want my friends to keep being my friends and acting like my friends, and not stand around staring at me morosely. Although, at the burial Saturday morning, when one of Gelo's sister's friends broke into "Wind Beneath my Wings" just before we stepped away from the coffin for the last time... well, I shed more than a few tears then. It's that moment that kills me the most (and the Bette Midler song didn't help)... the moment when it is the last time you are seeing that person. You're going home... and that's it. Your life continues, you're expected to move on and just live the way you did a week before. It's possibly one of the worst moments a person can experience in their life. You know, other than torture in a foreign country or something.

To build off of that happy paragraph, Sunday afternoon, my mother, father, Ricky and I drove out to visit Mema (my mom's mom) in a psychiatric hospital. She's always been depressed, my whole life she's had ups and downs, but since my grandfather passed away in October of 2006, her downs have been much lower than they ever were. She was very depressed right after it happened (as we all were... and I still am sometimes, at random moments of my life, like when Derek Jeter got the most hits in Yankee Stadium. Papa was a rabid Yankee fan.) but then, it seemed for a while like she would be all right. She got back out and started taking part in her community again. She even had a "companion" which is just what young people call old people's boy/girlfriends because it's gross to imagine people over sixty-five doing it... although I don't think they were doing it... ANYWAY, she was doing okay. Then, a while ago, the depression all came rushing back. She's been taking a bunch of different medications and sometimes, she wouldn't be eating. A woman from some agency was even going to the house to spend time with her a few hours a day, which helped a little, but in the end, she had to check herself into this hospital so her medication could be monitored. She's only supposed to be there for a week, which would end this Tuesday, but she doesn't look in any condition to leave from what I saw yesterday.

First of all, the smell of the place made me want to run. It's a normal hospital smell I guess. People who haven't showered, different types of medication... and since this was the geriatric ward, this was all coupled with the generic small of "old". You know what I'm talking about. And it was horrible because there are certain people who seriously belong there, like my grandmother's roommate, who is just propped up in the day room all day long in front of the TV (on which they can't change channels) and then changed out of her clothes at night and put to bed. Mema does not belong there. This is the woman who did a pole dance a few years ago at a party she and my grandfather attended. She is funny and smart and... ugh, it's so frustrating. I watched my other grandmother suffer with dementia until she was a shell of a human being... until I was actually HAPPY when she died, which still makes me feel like shit but I didn't want to look at her like that anymore. I wanted her to be free of that stupid body and actually be herself again wherever our souls go when we die. And I don't want Mema to go out like she did, laying in a hospital bed with someone changing her clothes for her. That's not who she is, and it wasn't who Nanny was either but I know that Mema can pull herself out of it.

I guess Depression is as much a disease as Dementia and I shouldn't assume that it will be easy for Mema to just turn around and be her old self again. My grandfather always used to tell Mema she better die first because she wouldn't be able to do anything without him. It wasn't as bad as it sounds, because clearly, it's true. I just wish there was something I could do to help her. Something besides sitting in the hallway of the hospital (because you can't go inside the rooms with visitors), waiting for my father to come back with the water he smuggled in from Wawa (because you can't bring any outside food or drink into the place).

And now I'm depressed. Happy Monday. Seriously, if no one else could get sick or die for, like, two good years, I'd really appreciate it.

maybe it's just me

2008-10-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

So fucking Allstate is still screwing me over with this car. Apparently, something was broken that the garage didn't initially report and they fixed it, but they can't give me the car back until someone from Allstate goes down there and confirms that they are going to pay for it. This has been almost three weeks without a car now. Thankfully, almost everyone in my family has their own car, so I have been able to get around. Although I haven't asked my father if I can borrow his brand new Pathfinder yet. The thing is the size of an H3 and I would be totally paranoid driving it. Not that my father would even let me.

Gelo's wedding was a lot of fun on Friday. I was slightly annoyed that not every woman was in a gown and no one I knew- except the guys in the wedding party- was wearing a tux. I guess people do what they want. But I couldn't really be mad because I was in love with my dress. The drive up and back was pretty uneventful, although it was only three hours long, so I don't what sort of wacky hijinks I expected to get into. BJ, Christie and I stopped at a rest stop on the way up and I picked up a Burger King crown... I guess that's wacky.

I got recognized as a member of Fenix Down on Saturday night by the lead singer of Underwhelmed, who then proceeded to imitate my dancing in the Ready to Believe... excuse me, I'm Ready (don't even know the name of my own song) video. I don't know if I would have been recognized if not for my close proximity to Joe, but it was pretty cool. Maybe my odd point/bounce dance will be the thing that rockets me to fame.
I also remembered why I never go to clubs, although I really like dancing. The rock portion of the club (Delancey's) was in the basement and smelled like stale beer but the line for the bar was practically non-existant and each person had at least a few feet to him or herself. Upstairs, in the "cool" portion of the bar? The people were packed in like cattle and the bathroom was all the way on the other side of the pasture. I don't think I've ever said "Excuse me" as many times consecutively as I did on that trip to the back of the bar. So maybe upstairs would have been a better place to meet people but I'd rather sit on the couch in the corner downstairs and talk about random movies with people I know. I don't even mind the smell of stale beer. It's very rock.

lucky star

2008-10-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

So my friend Vanessa sent a bunch of us an email last week, saying that she knew someone who followed this particular astrologist religiously (is that an oxymoron?) and that she herself had found that some of the things on the website were true. So I clicked it and read the ridiculously long Gemini entry for October. The only thing I remembered from it was that October 4th and 5th was a good weekend for love and that I should be out. Then, I spent Friday watching TV on my parents' couch and Saturday watching TV on my couch. I don't know if this means I am not ready for love, I don't care about finding love, or I just don't believe in astrology. Either way, it was a pretty uneventful weekend.

The thing is, I don't really have anyone to go out to bars with anymore. Everyone is coupled and I mean everyone (every girl). As I have often complained, it has been nearly impossible for my two roomates and I to have boyfriends all at the same time. And I am not even exaggerating, it literally happened like this:

We move in to the apartment. I have a bf, Nancy has a bf, Liza does not.
Liza meets Peter, Nancy breaks up with her bf, I still have a bf.
I break up with Tony, Liza still dating Peter, Nancy gets a new bf (sort of... technically)

So, somewhere in the deep blackness of my soul, I am hoping that one of their relationships breaks down so I can meet someone else. (Not really... I think)

I am going to a black tie wedding this weekend in a dress that is awesome and, if I do say so myself, makes me look pretty hot. However, as much as I have heard that weddings are good places to meet people, I find this not to be true. I usually find that people tend to stay at their own tables and talk to people they know. Unless all the matchmaking is just happening around me. Maybe I'm the eye of the coupling storm... ah, whatever.

good and evil

2008-10-01T09:58:00.000-07:00

I'm getting pretty obsessed with "Heroes" again. Three episodes in and I think it is sincerely making up for last season, which I did enjoy but kind of fell apart all in a rush at the end. This season, as I have mentioned to a few friends already, has featured Zachary Quinto in a suit and I have decided that is all I need to classify a show as "worth watching." Isn't it strange? A man would prefer to see a woman wearing less clothes, yet men can look incredibly sexy all covered up. I mean, I wouldn't sneeze at a guy without his shirt on but I have a feeling that is probably saved for Milo Ventimiglia on this show (and whoever plays Mohinder, (it's Sendhil Ramamurthy, why was I pretending I didn't know that?) but when your skin start peeling off, it kind of loses that sexy factor.)

Anyway, in summation, there are a lot of hot men on TV right now. Suffice it to say, this does not help my current situation as they are very far away and mostly, not real people. Unless Elliot Stabler is really kickin' ass and takin' (rapists) names mere blocks from my office. More on this as it develops...

Also, a few questions for you to ponder:
If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone, is it wrong?
Why can't three roommates have boyfriends at the same time?
Why, God? What's your plan? I can't help her, no one can... okay, that's a lyric from 'Miss Saigon'. Sorry.

what i got

2008-09-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

So New York baseball is over. It feels really over, since both stadiums are going to be demolished before next season, which is probably a good thing because last time I was at a Yankee post-season game, the entire tier was rocking when people got excited. Nothing to get excited about lately... I didn't even really care to watch the Red Sox series this weekend, although Moose did get his 20th win, so at least that's something. As I commented on my friend Krista's Facebook, "It's a small light in a dark tunnel."

However, there is a larger light at the end of that tunnel and that light is called The Rangers. Not that it was an especially bright light this weekend. I went with Ricky to my first of many games this season (I hope) and the Rangers lost 4-1. I always feel like, whenever I go to games, the Rangers never seem to have the puck as much as the other team does. Is that just because they're bad? Or am I just imagining it? Either way, the guy I really wanted to see play (and I can't even remember his name now, but he's new and it starts with a P) left the game because of a rough hit (that he gave, not received). Although, ask any of the amateur refs in my section and it was boarding and a clean hit. Whatever, the game is always fun, much more fun than baseball games, really. I think it's because it's inside, the seats are comfortable and a hot dog and beer is a mere hundred feet or so away. I really am an inside girl... that might sound dirty but take what you will from it.

Saturday night, we went to Dan and Tony's to watch the new Chris Rock special, which was really heavily political and slightly racist but I loved it anyway. And yesterday, I did pretty much nothing (as most Sundays go). I vacuumed the stairs and watched "90210" and "SVU" and wished Luke Perry would stop guest starring on "SVU" and go back to "90210" where he belongs. Just ride up on a motorcycle or something and sweep Kelly off her feet while Brenda seethes in the background somewhere and plots revenge by sleeping with Kelly's cute, young, quasi-boyfriend. That's the "90210" I remember.

Ugh... it's still Monday, isn't it?

shut up and drive

2008-09-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

I left my house at about 6:30 last night, the way I always do on Wednesdays. I had gotten home from work about 15 minutes earlier, to see my uncle (my landlord... and actually my cousin, not my uncle, but that has no bearing on anything) installing a new sink in my bathroom since, about two weeks ago, Tom touched it and then the hot water wouldn't stop running. So now we have a shiny new sink. Thanks, Tom! But anyway, I was happy that the sink problem had finally been resolved and was looking forward to a fun night at Fenix Down practice, since we were planning to go over some new cover songs, in preparation for next year when we hope to be playing a lot more often.

I walked to the spot where I believed to have parked my car the last time I got out of it, which was Monday night, after practice. I remembered that a group of kids were walking by my car and, since I was on the overpass, and it's slightly deserted there, even at 9:30pm, I waited until they had passed to get out of my car and walk toward the house. I remembered all of this quite vividly as I stared at the spot where my car should have been and saw only some tiny pieces of... well, of car. I walked up and down the block, hoping that I had misremembered, that the memory I had in my mind was from another night. This has happened to me before, both the forgetting where I've parked and my car being actually missing. The first time it happened, I was about to call the police when my parents' neighbor (who is actually dead now... rip) came out and told me that, since the city was doing work on the street where I'd parked, they had taken it upon themselves to tow my car to another street and not tell me. I found it there, safe and sound, so I was hesitant to raise any alarm this time until I was really sure that the car was gone. After about ten minutes of strolling up and down Bay Ridge Parkway, with no sign of my very distinctive car, I felt sure that I had cause for concern.

I called my father, hoping that maybe he had taken it that day for some reason and parked it somewhere else. He has my second set of keys, so this was my last hope. When he told me hadn't moved it, I responded with, "I'm entertaining the idea that my car has been stolen." My father came by a few minutes later, called the precinct and reported the car missing. When he gave them the plate number, the police (one very lovely woman in particular of whom who my father only had nice things to say...) told him that my car had been impounded. However, they could offer no further information, since the car is registered to my mother and not to him, and they told him he would have to bring my mother to the precinct to find out why exactly my car, with no outstanding parking tickets, had been basically stolen off the street.

No less than ten minutes later, with my mother in the car, we headed to the precinct. While there, I overheard a woman filing a report on a six-year-old boy who had been beating up her son on the school bus. Have I mentioned I love the world? The cop we dealt with gave us the name of the towing company who had taken the car but had no other information, saying we would have to call them to find out. They did, however, inform me that it was probably because I was parked illegally or slightly blocking someone's driveway. I told them that was impossible, since I was parked absolutely legally and nowhere near a driveway. I only received blank stares in response.

My father called the company last night but a dispatcher answered, telling him they'd be open at nine this morning. He proceeded to inform the guy that if this was some kind of scam operation, they were going to be in a lot of trouble. At this point, I was almost wishing that my car had been used in some kind of crime or even been involved in some interesting scam, if only because I have grown to hate my car so much that a cool story like that could redeem it in my eyes. As much as I did (and still do) hate it, it gets me from point A to point B and in relative style (when it's not snowing), and I really did want to know what the hell had happened to it.

This morning, the mystery was solved. My car had been involved in an accident on Tuesday afternoon, over a full day before I actually went to look for it. A car service had swerved and hit both my car and a Sebring that was parked either in front of or behind me. The Sebring was totaled; my car was not. And since my car is registered to an apartment my father owns in SI, there was no contact number, so a letter was mailed out yesterday informing Donna Diffendale on Maryland Avenue that her car was in the trusted hands of Finest Towing on Baltic Street. They told my father it would take about seven to ten days to fix.

This was kind of a blessing in disguise, since I wanted to sell the car anyway, and now can get it all fixed up before I do. I just find it fascinating that this has happened to me twice with two separate cars. My last car, the Elantra, was totaled by an elderly woman who didn't know the gas from the brake and smashed my little sedan between her Oldsmobile (I never realized the humor in the name of that car until right now) and the van in front of it. In retrospect, I hated that car, too. Maybe I'm doing this subliminally... anyone else want a new car?

down with the sickness

2008-09-24T07:17:00.000-07:00

Can I honestly still be sick? Is this really happening? Am I going to be blowing my nose for the rest of my life? Seriously. It's not even funny anymore. I'm starting to think I pissed off some allergy god somewhere and he has struck me down to suffer for all eternity. I am almost excited about the winter coming so everything will be dead and bare. Maybe then I can go a day without using up an entire box of tissues. I mean, granted... I haven't really been taking anything. My Allegra-D just doesn't cut it anymore but I didn't want to take anything else because I still have half a bottle of pills in my medicine cabinet. It's probably like eating Luden's cherry cough drops to me now. (I used to love those things so much. That would always be the candy I picked out in the drugstore on the way home from Church with my grandparents on Sundays... because I grew up in the 50s.) I had a big plan to buy Zyrtec and vitamins last night on my way home from work but of course I forgot. Maybe I can get down to Duane Reade some time today and pick some up.

I'm sure this is literally the most thrilling thing you've read all week. You can thank me in person the next time you see me.

I'm reading "The Stand" right now, in which a deadly plague starts out as the common cold. Maybe I should stop reading it and see if I get better. "The Dark Tower" started coming to life around me; why shouldn't this novel do the same? Maybe I won't stop reading though, because if I did, and suddenly felt better, I may not be able to be friends with Tom anymore.

back in the saddle

2008-09-18T05:48:00.000-07:00

I am sitting at the reception desk right now because one of the receptionists called out for the second day in a row and the other guy, who's supposed to come in at 9am, just doesn't answer his cell phone when people call him to come in early. Now, I understand not wanting to come in but he knows that there isn't anyone else to cover and that one of the admins (me) is going to have to sit up here and not do their actual work for an hour. And somehow, he doesn't feel badly about this at all. I have a feeling that both of these receptionists are not long for this office. I have nothing with which to back that up, it's just a feeling.

Also, why didn't anyone tell me that literally every store I shop in is on 34th Street between 5th and Broadway? I decided this morning that I am going to take the N to work instead of the 4, because in only a week and a half, I genuinely loathe Grand Central Station, or at least the platform in GCS on which I catch the 4, because it literally has the most people I've ever seen packed into the smallest space. I'm pretty sure I was anally raped on the 4 yesterday from Union Square to Grand Central but I don't exactly have the proof. The N is farther away from my office but at least I have more than a centimeter to myself and I find I enjoy that space in the mornings. Time will tell if I'm still game for the walk when it's below zero in about three months but I have a feeling I'll take being cold for 10 minutes over the prospect of another subway rape. That's just me, though.

Okay, it's 8:57, and I'm starving and have done none of my work yet. Where the hell is this guy? I am firing him myself.

...ha. He just came in and I had to quickly save this before he read it. That was awkward. Oh, well. Not like he couldn't find it if he really wanted. Okay, now to begin the actual day's work. And eat an egg sandwich.

who needs sleep?

2008-09-17T13:58:00.001-07:00

I was an hour late for work this morning. I'm supposed to get up at 6:00 but I sometimes (usually) can stretch it to 6:30. However, this morning, I leisurely rolled over at 7:09, about five minutes after I am supposed to leave my house. I know I set my alarm last night, so this means I shut my alarm off and went back to sleep, which I never do. I will blame two nights of Yankee games for this sudden attack of exhaustion and hope that this shutting off of the alarm does not become a habit. Thankfully, there are only two guys who get in before me who actually knew I was late and neither one of them give a shit. And then, I posted it on the Internet and got fired. The End.

Oh, Yankees. Great game Monday. Okay game Tuesday. You lost in miserable fashion but at least the weather was great and two fly balls fell in our immediate vicinity and Tony and I bought matching Yankee hats again, because we continue to be losers together even when we aren't dating. But the Yankees are ending the FINAL SEASON in the current Stadium without making the playoffs for the first time since I gave a shit about them. It's very disheartening. I mean, they haven't been amazing every year and sometimes, it's come down to the wire but they've always made the playoffs. Now Torre's gone and suddenly, I'll have nothing to watch in October. I mean, Manny Ramirez even left Boston for them and they still couldn't win! Ah, well. We'll get 'em next year. Or the year after that, whenever. I'm just hoping no one else catches up to those 26 World Championships before the Yankees start remembering how to win again.

Also, I realized today I have been sick/suffering from allergies for every single day in September. That's gotta be some kind of record.

lazy sunday

2008-09-14T11:16:00.000-07:00

I kind of love Sundays. It's usually the one day when I have the least to do. In fact, right now, I am sitting in my pajamas watching the Yankee game (they're winning 6-3 right now, even though Carl Pavano's body double is pitching) and handwashing all my delicate clothes. Basically doing absolutely nothing. I had a slight inclination to call a few people and see if they wanted to go somewhere and have a drink and apps and sit outside to enjoy the good weather while it lasts, but then I remembered that it's football season and most everyone I know is sitting on their couch the same way I am and enjoying the Giants' game right now. I also remembered that I really don't feel like going out and I will not let the sun guilt me into changing out of my pajamas.

Yesterday was the second day of shooting of our video for "Breathe Again." It was supposed to be the final day but we definitely do not have enough footage to get a whole video, so we'll have to finish it up on an as-yet-to-be-determined date at an as-yet-to-be-determined location. The penthouse we were in yesterday was pretty sick, although it was owned by two old, white people and was decorated as such. Of course, unbeknownst to us, we needed a permit to shoot on the roof, so we had to all sneak up there quietly and hope that none of the neighbors heard the radio and drums playing. But we got away with it scot free! Until the video makes it huge and the building management notices and the guy who was house-sitting for the old couple gets arrested or something... but does that really affect me anyway? I think not.

My outfit yesterday was pretty interesting. Perry's comment about it was definitely my favorite: "You look like a hooker from hell." So I'll leave it up to the people who haven't seen it to imagine what that looks like. You know, until Robin sends me her pictures from yesterday and I immediately place them on Facebook. I think I looked pretty good and the black hair definitely added to the whole "I will kill you" look. It's so the opposite of how I really am. Unless, of course, someone is trying to get me out of the house before 5:30 on a Sunday. Then, I really might commit murder.

who says you can't go home?

2008-09-01T16:48:00.001-07:00

I'm home from Roxbury and all my pictures from the weekend are up on Facebook. I'm a little proud of myself that I waited six full hours after getting home before posting them. Although I think the reason I did wait is that my exhausted body would not allow me to move off my couch. The most complicated thing I've done today was cook some ramen noodles... does that technically count as cooking?

The weekend was pretty amazing. It's always fun but some years just end up better than others. 2005 is still the best year in recent memory but this year wasn't very far behind it. We had just enough room in the house for everyone to sleep, although it does help that my mother and father wake up two to three hours after most of us go to bed. They also wake up when five or six people come traipsing into the house at 5am and my little brother marches into everyone's rooms and informs them that he hooked up with a 30-year-old. That's my little brother. This is part of what makes Mardi Gras so amazing.

I wish I could invite all my friends for the weekend because I know you would all enjoy it so much. Maybe one day when I am filthy rich, I will rent a huge house in Roxbury and put everyone into costumes and hand them red cups of beer and the party will begin.

vacation, all i ever wanted

2008-08-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

Ahhh... I am officially finished with work until Tuesday. I usually hate people who flaunt the fact that they are off when others have to work but...actually, I just don't give a shit this time around, especially since I am going to be working most of next weekend on moving our office to Madison Avenue, plus that entire work week is just going to be the biggest headache ever and I am dreading it like you can't believe. So I am going to enjoy my couple of days off and the hell with anyone who makes me feel badly about it.

I'm watching "The Snuke" episode of "South Park." Did I ever mention this show is brilliant and Matt Stone and Trey Parker are two of my heroes?

I bought a new digital camera last night. Same camera, a Canon Elph, but 8.0 Mega Pixels, and I can't imagine ever needing anything higher than that to take pictures of my friends and I drinking, which is pretty much the only thing I take pictures of, as evidenced by my Facebook page. That and my really cute baby cousins.

I'm too entranced in "South Park" to write anymore. Everyone have a fantastic weekend and I'll see you all when I get back from my hangover.

working for the weekend

2008-08-25T09:05:00.000-07:00

This short work week (for me) is being sandwiched by two pretty awesome weekends, the latter much more so than the former. At least for me. Last weekend began with an awesome show at Rum Runners. We filled the place up pretty well and I think we made a good impression on the owners. I kept circulating through the place, trying to get my friends to agree to making Rum Runners "the new Carriage House." It's sad how much I miss a bar but really, it was such a great place to hang out, not to mention the fact that I pretty much drank for free whenever I was there. I have begged my father countless times to open a new bar but he adamantly refuses. I guess I honestly have no idea how much work goes into it, so I shouldn't try to put that on him. But anyway, people were iffy at best about Rum Runners becoming the new CH, but they did seem to like it, especially Pete, as referenced by his blog entry. So I can probably get people to go back there another time, since I'm sure we'll be playing there again. And next time, I won't drive so I can fully partake in the beer pong table and not play one game versus Matt and Mike and get wholly embarassed upon.

Saturday was Kim and Dave's wedding in sunny, beautiful Connecticut. Seriously, no one could have asked for a more perfect day for an outside wedding mere feet from a beach. It was amazing. It would have been better for me had I not sat in over an hour of traffic and had less than 45 minutes to shower and get ready. Have I mentioned how much I love New York City highways? They really get you where you need to be, lickety split! Anyway, after the mad rush to get there, the rest of the day ran smoothly. After the wedding, which ended at 9, a bunch of us hung out in the hotel bar, watching drunk people dance to two guys playing acoustic guitars. I also spent a good portion of the night talking to a guy who had edited "Tropic Thunder." If you haven't seen it, the first 10 minutes are my favorite part. I'm sure you'll agree when you do see it.

As for the upcoming weekend... it's almost too good to put into words. I've never been anywhere else but Roxbury for Labor Day weekend and I hope to never be. It is the weekend of weekends. Not even just because of the drinking... oh, the drinking... but because of the food and the costumes and the dancing and the family. The family is really the most important part of the whole thing. I see my family an awful lot, even more so now that I don't have a set date every weekend, but this weekend really epitomizes what we are: a great big group of people who love each other and love to party. I am so, so haopy to be a part of that.

ironic

2008-08-20T06:39:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the song "Ironic" on my iPod during my commute this morning... are we seriously expected to believe that every single person who heard that song being created, from Alanis herself, to the musicians, to the producer, to the engineer, to the record executives, failed to realize that the word ironic was being used incorrectly? I guess when you have a catchy beat and a good hook, nobody cares that the song is going to be confusing people for years about the correct definition of a word. Take these lyrics:

Mr. Play it Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase, kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down, he thought, "Well, isn't this nice?"

Couldn't they have gone with something like this?:

Mr. Play it Safe was afraid to fly
Every flight he booked and cancelled flew safely through the sky
When at last, he decided it was finally time to go
That was the plane that crashed and he died in a fiery inferno

Now granted, it's still in the beginning stages... but that is the correct definition, right? Every flight was safe except for the one he went on? Now I'm not even sure. Someone back me up on this.

everybody else is doing it, so why can't i?

2008-08-18T08:25:00.001-07:00

Okay, I already have a blog over at LiveJournal, but for some reason, I feel tempted to start a new one. Probably because I'm having so much fun reading my friends' efforts and Blogger just looks so neat and spiffy... of course, when I'm feeling geeky, I can't post a tiny picture of Aragorn the way I can on LJ but, you know, you can't have everything.

So, I'm here.

Things have been okay lately in my life. I'm not going to say they're great because, although I'm happy, I'm really not HAPPY. That uppercase really does make a difference. When I think about how lucky I am, I sometimes feel ashamed that I am not constantly bouncing off the walls and spreading cheer everywhere I go... which sounds like a hybrid between Gummi and Care Bears. But, honestly, I have a wonderful family, I have a great apartment with good roommates, some awesome friends, and a job that, for the most part, allows me to live the lifestyle I want to live. I can't complain about any of that. But, you know... not everything is perfect.

Is it wrong to want everything to be perfect?